more thoughts on "Wicked"

ok. haha this isn't just thoughts, it's a essay. there're some spoilers here, so read only if u've already read the book... i mean, the story was good and it warrants sth like this... so here goes....

to me, i think this story is abt people, the people in Elphie's life, her relationships with them, how these relationships change, and how they ffect her character and her beliefs. It is also about belief, and identit, as seen in the symbolic changing of Elphaba's name along the way-- Elphaba, Elphie, Fabala, Fae, the Witch, and finally, The Wicked Witch of the West.

I think the two characters the Witch loved the most was Glinda and Fiyero. But both in different ways. Her friendship with Glinda is the classic one, which endures and grows in spite of strong differences in class, character, and outlooks in life. For this reason, it is charming, warm and sincere. The sincereity of the friendship is touching, as is the way it blossoms to the climax: Glinda pretends Elphie is her sister to save her a seat, but at this precise climax, it is tragically broken as their different destinies, and perhaps, different choices, tear them apart. This parting is to me, the sadest one on the book, surpassed only by the final meeting between Glinda and Elphaba, where Glinda reaches out beyond her pride to Elphie, but Elphie is too blinded by her own scars and hurt and losses to reciprocate it, to see what else life still holds for her.

Boq is the classic boy-form-childhood. Perhaps he represents a simpler Elphaba, the choice she has. He represents a choice, a choice she had forsaken. he choice to live a normal quiet life. The choice to leave behind the youthful naivete in trying to change the world, even though he was involved in this revolutionary actions in his past. In the end, both choices, both lifestyles, both destinies, both friends, accuse and criticise each other, but they also secretly desire the other life perhaps, desire the alternative? Boq is the question " What If?", He is the "Could-Have-Been".

Liir is the fruit of Elphie's and Fiyero's love affair. He is also a "perhaps"; He may not be their son. Being somewhere in between (like Nessie ws to Turtle Heart's memory), Liir is a symbol of Elphie's love, love lost, her capacity for love, her potential to love. Yet, he may not even be thier son, even so, he draws out Elphie's maternal affection, again being a symbol of the vestiges of love, even as the Wicked Witch. His foolishness and brashness towards the bigger things surrounding him which he cannot change, his cruch on Dorothy, his intense determination, is a delicate portrait of Elphie in her own youth.

Doctor Dillamond seems to be a living prophecy of Elphie's life. So focused, so intense, so devoted, so much potential, but a potential cut away from its realisation.

Nanny's life also seems to mirror Elphaba's: "always the bridesmaid, never the bride." Nany and Elphie share this similarity: a tragic, tired life, where everyone they care for is taken from them, and delusionment and denial towards the end of their lives.

St Aelphaba and the Kumbric Witch are both compared to Elphie. Good vs Evil. the personal conflict. The historical conflict. The fundamental conflict. Both steeped in mystery and myth.

I think the ultimate tragedy of this story is that of a life lost in vain. One of the saddest scenes was when Boq asked "We all belived in what we were doing. We all believed we were doing good. In the end, did it all do any good?", which can be extended to Elphie's whole life. She couldn't answer. "If nothing else, we helped Doctor Dillamond..." She tries hard to justify a life, a life that has seen so much pain and loss, and suffering. A life that has caused suffering in others, but for what? Driven by what? What used to seem clear seems clear no more. Even her "murder" of Madame Morrible is a manifestation of her life in vain, her failure, a result of the desire to feel that her life amounted to something, and to justify to others in the publicity sh tries to draw around it, sucj was her insecurity in her final days. But even the "murder" seemed to mirror her failure, seemed to be a mockery of her own life, as it was of Madame Morrible's. "For All That You Have Done." inscribed on the trophy/lethal weapon seems to be as much for Elphaba as it was for Madame Morrible.

Driven by what? An unfulfilled desire for equality, for justice, for revenge? The love and attention of a negligent father? Forgiveness? release? Or the opposite, belonging? (this paradox is highlighted in her relationship with Sarima.) Or perhaps Elphie needs to understand, understand her destiny, understand what she fears, because she fears what she does not know? Or perhaps the deire to belive, to belive in an Other Land, to believe in a soul, to belive in redemption, justice and forgiveness? To belive these thigs can still be out there (symbolised by the broom, her desire to soar)or in her (symbolised by the Glass, a mirror into destiny, into herself).

we are all innocent

"i remember feeling low, i remember losing hope, i remember all the feelings and the day they stopped." --Innocent, Our Lady Peace.

that's a great song. yea man, we are all innocent. then maybe we become hardened along the way, become jaded, cynical, disillusioned, and most of all, tired. we learn to fuck care the world. we become tired.

where's that kid that used to romance every moment of friendship, or fantasise about being a jedi or rescuing the girl of his dreams? where's the kid who would love the magic of the moment, and treasure memories and its trinkets more than gold? where's the teen, the rebel, the angry fiery revolutionary? where's the crazy guy who didn't care wht people thought about him, who would scream, dress up in outrageous costumes, put on a drag show, sing karoke and just... go crazy cos it's fun? where did my innocence go?

maybe it's still there. like in legion camp over the past few days, revived a little of that in me... (can read the entry below for more...)

on a related note, i'm almost finished reading the book "Wicked". it's the story of the life of the Wicked Witch of the West, from the Wizard of Oz story.... it's seriously real darn good. it's a page turner, and creates a highly imaginative fantasy world that captures the cruelty of human nature. most importantly of all, you'll really grow to fall in love with the main character, Elphaba, or Elphie for short. Her character is so tenderly and sensitively portrayed, she almost becomes real, making the tragedy of her life even sharper. Her character is passionate, absorbed, fiery, and has so much capacity for love. But somehow, every one she learns to love gets hurt along the way and she descends into a broken, tired, reluctant Witch.

it's a terribly tragic story... and tells you nothing lasts forever... Yes, Elphie's world was a cruel one and some of her friends got killed.... but in our world people drift apart. we grow up. we change. we become too good for each other.

and yes... makes you think... everyone has a story, even the most evil or cruel looking person. they are created by circumstance... or do they choose to do evil? or is it predetermined by history? do we really have choice or is it the illusion of choice? are we mere puppets to a chain of causes-and-effects, dating back back back?

anw... "Wicked" is a really great novel, one of the best I've ever read...

and we are all innocent.

legion Roxxxxx!

haha. i had to do it. this post. yea man, Legion of Mary rocks! haha maybe it sounds like another one of those propoganda sermons i rant to potential recruits for legion... but i dunno... something inside me makes me feel really good about it now.

i've never felt this way for a long time. it's this feeling that moves in your heart. and u only feel it after camp ends. sometimes it's between your heart and your throat, sometimes it's between your heart and your stomach... (haha no wonder pple have attributed the circulatory pump to emotions, when it's actually the amygdala and higher cognitive brain centres that control emotions... but i'm digressing here...)

yea, i've never felt like this for a long time... i'm actually missing camp... haha i thought i was beyond this... it feels a bit sad, but very happy too... cos maybe it means i've revived something i personally lost in legion... a deeper sense of belonging... i dunno, maybe it's cos this time round, i really had time to kick back, relax, and be somewhere between camper and ygz... allowing me time to really talk cock, sing song and have fun, instead of being buried in... (what's the word?...) operational worries...

takes me back to those camps when i was a youg impressionable boy, treasuring every letter i got, treasuring every autograph, treasuring every arm around my shoulder... and feeling intensely sad when the camp ended cos i didn't know when i could see my new freinds again... or takes me back to my early ygz days... where i transformed from quiet introvert to crazy and stupid attention-seeker... where we would spend hours, dazed, during da zhu hui, laughing for no reason... those days were pure magic. i didn't want it to end. ever. i wanted it to last forever. the magic. the innocence.

well, you grow old, you grow jaded, and you sigh, thinking those days are beyond you... maybe you're happy seeing the younger kids have so much fun, the kind of fun you used to have, the kind of magic you used to have, because you see yourself in them... a bittersweet longing... kids bring out the kid we used to be. happy. but maybe the one thing i learnt in this camp, was that... it's not over. we still have something here. it's small, it's rare, but it's there. and it's beautiful. and it's worth fighting for.

anw, Legion Rocks!!!!

"if i had a choice now, can i stop the world revolving, holding on to the times that mean the most to me."