if i had a choice now, can i stop the world revolving,
holding on to the times that mean the most to me?
"your smiling eyes are just a mirror for the sun."
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
new format
ok so here's the new format. i got it from blogskins.com... it was the nicest one i could find so far... the creater's name is there... and somehow, the titles for my entries don't appear... oh well...
anw, now i'm really really just so busy and so dam tired everyday...
hope u guys like the format... i've always loved the city at night... it's enchanting.
anw, now i'm really really just so busy and so dam tired everyday...
hope u guys like the format... i've always loved the city at night... it's enchanting.
ok now i know
haha now i know why nobody leaves comments... my settings were for registered users only! haha how stupid was that... well everyone, that's changed. now u can comment as u like.
ok, i also just found out that there's a website that gives u good blog formats instead of the boring old samples listed on blogger! hah! i'm gonna check it out.
see how tech dumb i am. so everyone pls help me. if my blog is getting too boring then, it's probably bcos i don't know how to make it more exciting...
ok, i also just found out that there's a website that gives u good blog formats instead of the boring old samples listed on blogger! hah! i'm gonna check it out.
see how tech dumb i am. so everyone pls help me. if my blog is getting too boring then, it's probably bcos i don't know how to make it more exciting...
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
ok i'm back again
hmm... it seems nobody is really reading this blog... is it bcos i never updated much recently, or cos the layout is too boring...? i realise having a plain white layout really bores the pants off everyone... not my fault that i'm shitty at technology... ok, i'll do sth abt it i guess.... or issit a lot of pple read it, but don't wanna comment? hmm... if u read this blog and want more, just comment la... it won't hurt, man...
been real busy with my prelims all the way until today... that's it for now... see if i can change my blog layout, ok?
been real busy with my prelims all the way until today... that's it for now... see if i can change my blog layout, ok?
Saturday, September 02, 2006
The Bridesmaid
ok all u poor souls who are reading this... here's my attempt at writing a song.... well, i just wrote the lyrics, but it's structured in the style of a song i guess... anyone wanna write a tune for it? ok so here goes....
The Bridesmaid
The Bridesmaid
She looked real pretty in that dress
Of onion soup and cream caress
The pearls that shine in the orient
The love of swines in rooms for rent.
Yeah this girl
She wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this girl,
She wanted,
She waited,
She died.
The dark man,
Who walks in shadows of street lights
Of bright blue sounds and kangaroo fights.
His eyes spell hope of abandonment,
The breath of plastic fifty cents.
Yeah this man
He wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this man,
He wanted,
He waited,
He died.
The queer boy.
He loved cookies, cakes and clefts
A million kisses, right of left?
Kissing boys in gthe days gone by
When Peter Pan, he still could fly.
Yeah this boy,
He wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this boy,
He wanted,
He waited,
He died.
Oh yeah,
They all wanted one of you.
Oh yeah,
They all wanted you.
A part of you.
A part of you.
Love your neighbour as yourself.
Drink Coke in cans that can eat with chopsticks.
Don't ask what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
Turtles' eggs are found in sand.
Piano keys are white and black.
You will reap what you sow.
The camel's hump don't like Jazz.
The tortoise wins the hare if the hare sleeps.
Flowers swirl and time tastes like coffee.
So who is faster?
The one who wishes on the star.
Yeah this girl,
She wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this girl
She wanted,
She waited,
She died.
And the bridesmaid smiles.
ok ladies and gentlemen, that is my song. pls tell me what you think of it... all u have to do is click on the button below that says "comment". thank you very much. have a lovely life.
The Bridesmaid
The Bridesmaid
She looked real pretty in that dress
Of onion soup and cream caress
The pearls that shine in the orient
The love of swines in rooms for rent.
Yeah this girl
She wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this girl,
She wanted,
She waited,
She died.
The dark man,
Who walks in shadows of street lights
Of bright blue sounds and kangaroo fights.
His eyes spell hope of abandonment,
The breath of plastic fifty cents.
Yeah this man
He wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this man,
He wanted,
He waited,
He died.
The queer boy.
He loved cookies, cakes and clefts
A million kisses, right of left?
Kissing boys in gthe days gone by
When Peter Pan, he still could fly.
Yeah this boy,
He wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this boy,
He wanted,
He waited,
He died.
Oh yeah,
They all wanted one of you.
Oh yeah,
They all wanted you.
A part of you.
A part of you.
Love your neighbour as yourself.
Drink Coke in cans that can eat with chopsticks.
Don't ask what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
Turtles' eggs are found in sand.
Piano keys are white and black.
You will reap what you sow.
The camel's hump don't like Jazz.
The tortoise wins the hare if the hare sleeps.
Flowers swirl and time tastes like coffee.
So who is faster?
The one who wishes on the star.
Yeah this girl,
She wanted one of you.
Oh yeah this girl
She wanted,
She waited,
She died.
And the bridesmaid smiles.
ok ladies and gentlemen, that is my song. pls tell me what you think of it... all u have to do is click on the button below that says "comment". thank you very much. have a lovely life.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Valerie
This is from V for Vendetta. Evey gets it while she's in prison being tortured.
I don't know who you are. Please believe. There is no way I can convince you that this is not one of their tricks. But I don't care. I am me, and I don't know who you are, but I love you.
I have a pencil. A little one they did not find. I am a woman. I hid it inside me. Perhaps I won't be able to write again, so this is a long letter about my life. It is the only autobiography I have ever written and oh God I'm writing it on toilet paper.
I was born in Nottingham in 1957, and it rained a lot. I passed my eleven plus and went to girl's Grammar. I wanted to be an actress.
I met my first girlfriend at school. Her name was Sara. She was fourteen and I was fifteen but we were both in Miss. Watson's class. Her wrists. Her wrists were beautiful. I sat in biology class, staring at the picket rabbit foetus in its jar, listening while Mr. Hird said it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sara did. I didn't.
In 1976 I stopped pretending and took a girl called Christine home to meet my parents. A week later I enrolled at drama college. My mother said I broke her heart.
But it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it's all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.
London. I was happy in London. In 1981 I played Dandini in Cinderella. My first rep work. The world was strange and rustling and busy, with invisible crowds behind the hot lights and all that breathless glamour. It was exciting and it was lonely. At nights I'd go to the Crew-Ins or one of the other clubs. But I was stand-offish and didn't mix easily. I saw a lot of the scene, but I never felt comfortable there. So many of them just wanted to be gay. It was their life, their ambition. And I wanted more than that.
Work improved. I got small film roles, then bigger ones. In 1986 I starred in "The Salt Flats." It pulled in the awards but not the crowds. I met Ruth while working on that. We loved each other. We lived together and on Valentine's Day she sent me roses and oh God, we had so much. Those were the best three years of my life.
In 1988 there was the war, and after that there were no more roses. Not for anybody.
In 1992 they started rounding up the gays. They took Ruth while she was out looking for food. Why are they so frightened of us? They burned her with cigarette ends and made her give them my name. She signed a statement saying I'd seduced her. I didn't blame her. God, I loved her. I didn't blame her.
But she did. She killed herself in her cell. She couldn't live with betraying me, with giving up that last inch. Oh Ruth. . . .
They came for me. They told me that all of my films would be burned. They shaved off my hair and held my head down a toilet bowl and told jokes about lesbians. They brought me here and gave me drugs. I can't feel my tongue anymore. I can't speak.
The other gay women here, Rita, died two weeks ago. I imagine I'll die quite soon. It's strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and I apologized to nobody.
I shall die here. Every last inch of me shall perish. Except one.
An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.
I don't know who you are. Or whether you're a man or a woman. I may never see you or cry with you or get drunk with you. But I love you. I hope that you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and that one day people have roses again. I wish I could kiss you.
Valerie
X
I don't know who you are. Please believe. There is no way I can convince you that this is not one of their tricks. But I don't care. I am me, and I don't know who you are, but I love you.
I have a pencil. A little one they did not find. I am a woman. I hid it inside me. Perhaps I won't be able to write again, so this is a long letter about my life. It is the only autobiography I have ever written and oh God I'm writing it on toilet paper.
I was born in Nottingham in 1957, and it rained a lot. I passed my eleven plus and went to girl's Grammar. I wanted to be an actress.
I met my first girlfriend at school. Her name was Sara. She was fourteen and I was fifteen but we were both in Miss. Watson's class. Her wrists. Her wrists were beautiful. I sat in biology class, staring at the picket rabbit foetus in its jar, listening while Mr. Hird said it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sara did. I didn't.
In 1976 I stopped pretending and took a girl called Christine home to meet my parents. A week later I enrolled at drama college. My mother said I broke her heart.
But it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it's all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.
London. I was happy in London. In 1981 I played Dandini in Cinderella. My first rep work. The world was strange and rustling and busy, with invisible crowds behind the hot lights and all that breathless glamour. It was exciting and it was lonely. At nights I'd go to the Crew-Ins or one of the other clubs. But I was stand-offish and didn't mix easily. I saw a lot of the scene, but I never felt comfortable there. So many of them just wanted to be gay. It was their life, their ambition. And I wanted more than that.
Work improved. I got small film roles, then bigger ones. In 1986 I starred in "The Salt Flats." It pulled in the awards but not the crowds. I met Ruth while working on that. We loved each other. We lived together and on Valentine's Day she sent me roses and oh God, we had so much. Those were the best three years of my life.
In 1988 there was the war, and after that there were no more roses. Not for anybody.
In 1992 they started rounding up the gays. They took Ruth while she was out looking for food. Why are they so frightened of us? They burned her with cigarette ends and made her give them my name. She signed a statement saying I'd seduced her. I didn't blame her. God, I loved her. I didn't blame her.
But she did. She killed herself in her cell. She couldn't live with betraying me, with giving up that last inch. Oh Ruth. . . .
They came for me. They told me that all of my films would be burned. They shaved off my hair and held my head down a toilet bowl and told jokes about lesbians. They brought me here and gave me drugs. I can't feel my tongue anymore. I can't speak.
The other gay women here, Rita, died two weeks ago. I imagine I'll die quite soon. It's strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and I apologized to nobody.
I shall die here. Every last inch of me shall perish. Except one.
An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.
I don't know who you are. Or whether you're a man or a woman. I may never see you or cry with you or get drunk with you. But I love you. I hope that you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and that one day people have roses again. I wish I could kiss you.
Valerie
X
my life so far
hey today i met cassandra... this primary school classmate i never saw for ages... think the last time i saw her it was sec2 i think... so yea it was really cool cos i walked into this classroom and my class was there then she was there mugging with them wearing the vj tee so i was like... eh... is that...? so i don't wanna ask cos usually these kind of situations it's just someone who looks really like the actual person but is not the actual person and u go "eh r u cassandra?" and she goes "who?" but this time it was the real person and she knew junkiat so she decided to mug with my class in the classroom... and guess what? despite my initial inhibitions, i still succeeded in looking like an idiot cos the first question i asked was "eh... what u doing here?" so it was like i was so defensive and looked like someone whose husband just came back from a night full of drinking... (btw this metaphor implies i'm an angry old wife, not myself, cos i don't see myself having husbands anytime in the near future thank u very much) so yea i upheld the jumpoverthewall legacy of never failing to look stupid... haha but that's really ok...
yes i know i've devoted an entire paragraph to a boring event like meeting an old friend but u know, sadly, now that we're all in mugging mode, that's really one of the more exctiting events in my life these days... oh i helped paint a banner for mr beetsma yesterday... it was really all sheeyin and clara's work, i just helped put in a few colours. and i realised shiling is really skilled at toning with multicolours, and sherli too. (yes i know this phrasing implies shiling uses sherli to tone but i don't care) so ya that was the highlight of yesterday... but it was really kind of fun watching sheeyin and clara get every single finger of them a different colour and not care abt the toxic stuff and all... actually i think its not toxic.... ok i know some of u pple will be thinking i'm some kind of special breed of gentleman who lets girls get their hands dirty but keep mine clean... yea well... haha... tough... ok i have an excuse:
ok i don't have an excuse. i just didn't want to get my hands dirty yesterday. and besides i'll have two whole years to get my hands dirty while theirs' are clean.
oh and the piece de resistance (please do not read this as it is, its french; i just dunno how to put in the strokes on top of the words... *_*) so as i was saying, the piece de resistance of my week was my visit to the library book sale. u know, the newspaper said come 1.5 hours early. so i thought: yea, eat ur shit la straits times... s'poreans are not that book loving.... i hate it when the s'pore media blow stuff out of proprotion to try and make s'poreans look like what they're not...
but this time, omg the starits times was right, man! s'poreans impressed me with their enthusiasm for literature and the great works of Mankind. the line was extemely long. it took me 1/2 an hour to get in. pple camped there i think. and i was lining up next to some delightful pple. in front of me was this really weird ang mo guy discussing with an indian guy abt america, when he's clearly not american. and behind me was these 2 guys discussing how to plot a graph of how many pple come aginst dunno what. and then they discussed the probability of a person leaving the line... and how that is inversely related to the opportunity cost of leaving the line... haha u know what the worst part is? i can actually remember what they said... and i'll probably end up like that in the near future if i don't fight gravity. so ok, i finally manage to get in the booksale and find that all the books are going for 2 dollars each. sweet! so i rush to the crowd.... there was practically no spae to walk or breathe... pple were constantly moving and pushing and u had to keep moving. pple were just chucking like 50 books into their plastic bags, baskets and trolleys. (yes, trolleys, so strategically brought from home, relieved of their menial duties of carrying busloads of groceries to and from the market, and ennobled with the sacred task of being graced by the pages upon pages of literature for the great duty of enriching singaporeans' minds) so yeah they just whack and pile their modes of transportation with books galore (like abt 50 per person) and take them to one corner and sift thru them one by one to decide on what they wanna buy. so i tries to take the moral high ground and tell myself i'm better than them. that i have more finesse, more class, but guess what? lemme give u a quote from alice in wonderland.
"but i don't want to be mad." said alice.
"we're all mad here, i'm mad, he's mad, you're mad." said the mad hatter.
"but how do u know i'm mad?"said alice to the mad hatter.
"of course you're mad,"replied the mad hatter, "otherwise, you wouldn't be here."
ya so first i want to say one thing. looking at this, i think lewis carroll is really twisted. he's probably a psycho or close to being a psycho. i mean if he were not mad, he wouldn't write abt this right? so ya i guess i'm as singaporean as all the rest of my beloved countrymen. so if u can't beat them, join them. i thus began my frantic hunt for good literature admist the widerness of outdated programing books and teen books like "boywatching" and "sweet valley university". by the way, i'm thinking of applying to sweet valley university. it'll be killer on my resume (ladies and gentlemen, this is french, too). and i joined the hunters in their ingenious hunting methods. after all, if i weren't mad, i wouldn't have ended up in a place that sells reject books that nobody wants to borrow any more. so after an hour or two i returned to the checkout counter, my prize (8 books) brandished proudly in my hands, a young hunter back with with his first kill. i joined the greats, the true shopping veterans, the hardcore lovers of good literature, the heroes our country needs. i join them, humbled as my 8 measley books trembled beneath the shadow of their hundreds of books, laden in half-bursting plastic bags, spilling from bright red trolleys that were once the lowly transporters in sheng siong supermarket, the spoils of glorious war, the ruins of an exhibition room raped and ravaged. i stood humbled at the piles upon piles of literature that was going to enrich the minds of the hunters, bcos i'm sure that the moment they get home, every single one of these heros are going to read every single page of what they bought so cleverly with so little money. btw, i haven't started on any of those 8 books i've bought yet. i feel so ashamed.
yup so that's my life so far. sounds exciting right?
yes i know i've devoted an entire paragraph to a boring event like meeting an old friend but u know, sadly, now that we're all in mugging mode, that's really one of the more exctiting events in my life these days... oh i helped paint a banner for mr beetsma yesterday... it was really all sheeyin and clara's work, i just helped put in a few colours. and i realised shiling is really skilled at toning with multicolours, and sherli too. (yes i know this phrasing implies shiling uses sherli to tone but i don't care) so ya that was the highlight of yesterday... but it was really kind of fun watching sheeyin and clara get every single finger of them a different colour and not care abt the toxic stuff and all... actually i think its not toxic.... ok i know some of u pple will be thinking i'm some kind of special breed of gentleman who lets girls get their hands dirty but keep mine clean... yea well... haha... tough... ok i have an excuse:
ok i don't have an excuse. i just didn't want to get my hands dirty yesterday. and besides i'll have two whole years to get my hands dirty while theirs' are clean.
oh and the piece de resistance (please do not read this as it is, its french; i just dunno how to put in the strokes on top of the words... *_*) so as i was saying, the piece de resistance of my week was my visit to the library book sale. u know, the newspaper said come 1.5 hours early. so i thought: yea, eat ur shit la straits times... s'poreans are not that book loving.... i hate it when the s'pore media blow stuff out of proprotion to try and make s'poreans look like what they're not...
but this time, omg the starits times was right, man! s'poreans impressed me with their enthusiasm for literature and the great works of Mankind. the line was extemely long. it took me 1/2 an hour to get in. pple camped there i think. and i was lining up next to some delightful pple. in front of me was this really weird ang mo guy discussing with an indian guy abt america, when he's clearly not american. and behind me was these 2 guys discussing how to plot a graph of how many pple come aginst dunno what. and then they discussed the probability of a person leaving the line... and how that is inversely related to the opportunity cost of leaving the line... haha u know what the worst part is? i can actually remember what they said... and i'll probably end up like that in the near future if i don't fight gravity. so ok, i finally manage to get in the booksale and find that all the books are going for 2 dollars each. sweet! so i rush to the crowd.... there was practically no spae to walk or breathe... pple were constantly moving and pushing and u had to keep moving. pple were just chucking like 50 books into their plastic bags, baskets and trolleys. (yes, trolleys, so strategically brought from home, relieved of their menial duties of carrying busloads of groceries to and from the market, and ennobled with the sacred task of being graced by the pages upon pages of literature for the great duty of enriching singaporeans' minds) so yeah they just whack and pile their modes of transportation with books galore (like abt 50 per person) and take them to one corner and sift thru them one by one to decide on what they wanna buy. so i tries to take the moral high ground and tell myself i'm better than them. that i have more finesse, more class, but guess what? lemme give u a quote from alice in wonderland.
"but i don't want to be mad." said alice.
"we're all mad here, i'm mad, he's mad, you're mad." said the mad hatter.
"but how do u know i'm mad?"said alice to the mad hatter.
"of course you're mad,"replied the mad hatter, "otherwise, you wouldn't be here."
ya so first i want to say one thing. looking at this, i think lewis carroll is really twisted. he's probably a psycho or close to being a psycho. i mean if he were not mad, he wouldn't write abt this right? so ya i guess i'm as singaporean as all the rest of my beloved countrymen. so if u can't beat them, join them. i thus began my frantic hunt for good literature admist the widerness of outdated programing books and teen books like "boywatching" and "sweet valley university". by the way, i'm thinking of applying to sweet valley university. it'll be killer on my resume (ladies and gentlemen, this is french, too). and i joined the hunters in their ingenious hunting methods. after all, if i weren't mad, i wouldn't have ended up in a place that sells reject books that nobody wants to borrow any more. so after an hour or two i returned to the checkout counter, my prize (8 books) brandished proudly in my hands, a young hunter back with with his first kill. i joined the greats, the true shopping veterans, the hardcore lovers of good literature, the heroes our country needs. i join them, humbled as my 8 measley books trembled beneath the shadow of their hundreds of books, laden in half-bursting plastic bags, spilling from bright red trolleys that were once the lowly transporters in sheng siong supermarket, the spoils of glorious war, the ruins of an exhibition room raped and ravaged. i stood humbled at the piles upon piles of literature that was going to enrich the minds of the hunters, bcos i'm sure that the moment they get home, every single one of these heros are going to read every single page of what they bought so cleverly with so little money. btw, i haven't started on any of those 8 books i've bought yet. i feel so ashamed.
yup so that's my life so far. sounds exciting right?
Friday, August 11, 2006
i'm back.
hey i haven't blogged for ages... been real busy but tonight, i'm back! u know, i really don't have much to write about since my life this past few days have been all about mugging la basically. let's see... i bought this really cool book, the Books Of Magic, by Neil Gaiman. It's about this guy called Timothy Hunter, and it's kind of like Harry Potter but only a million times better cos it's darker and more mature.
ok National Day celebrations were really bad. i know i shouldn't be criticising the poor hardworking pple in vj who made everything come together, but it was seriously bad. i tell u, if i see another singapore idol spoof i'll literally shit myself. making spoofs of american idol was really a thing we do like 2 years ago, and to do it now is really old and lame and a hopeless excuse for humor.
ooh but u know what's funny? check out this video on you tube called "borat", check out the one that lasts 24 minutes. really hilarious.
ok haha i'm now chatting with this guy online and he asks me if i'm chinese, cos my name is ortega. so i say no i'm filipino. and guess what he says? he says "my maid is also filipino." ok there are so many things wrong with that,cos he said it like "wow! that's such a big coincidence!" like a filipino maid in singapore is so rare, that i'd be shocked to find one. some pple are just so funny.
ok that's it. really nothing much now la.
ok National Day celebrations were really bad. i know i shouldn't be criticising the poor hardworking pple in vj who made everything come together, but it was seriously bad. i tell u, if i see another singapore idol spoof i'll literally shit myself. making spoofs of american idol was really a thing we do like 2 years ago, and to do it now is really old and lame and a hopeless excuse for humor.
ooh but u know what's funny? check out this video on you tube called "borat", check out the one that lasts 24 minutes. really hilarious.
ok haha i'm now chatting with this guy online and he asks me if i'm chinese, cos my name is ortega. so i say no i'm filipino. and guess what he says? he says "my maid is also filipino." ok there are so many things wrong with that,cos he said it like "wow! that's such a big coincidence!" like a filipino maid in singapore is so rare, that i'd be shocked to find one. some pple are just so funny.
ok that's it. really nothing much now la.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
The incredible lightness of Being
erm... this is the name of a book... it's about some love triangle thing... but it's supposed to be much deeper... it's supposed to be about existentialism and stuff like that, and after reading it, u're supposed to feel the lightness of being; the crushing weight of a light existence.
ya basically that's how i feel right now. light. not physically. haha... i wish ah... not the kind of lightness associated with freedom and flying like a bird, but a lightness of being.
today was a pretty ok day. muah. but i really dunno how i feel. i mean i feel something but i dunno what it is....
i know i shld be angry, cos some things pissed me off today, but i'm not quite angry. i shld be happy cos i had what, logically is a great day, haha but logic isn't heart.
or maybe i'm running away. wait, i know i'm runing away. i'm running away from sth, but i dunno what's chasing me. i'm hiding from sth, but what?
i think it's fear. fear drives me. i always say love drives me. but has it been overtaken by fear masquerading as love? is fear of losing love an illusion for love?
then my memories seem distant. not that i can't remember them, but that i can't connect with the Mark in my memories. memories i used to hold dear seem insignificant.
i'm searching, but is searching actally fear? what do i fear? what am i running from? why do i feel everything but nothing? am i refusing to feel? do i fear my feelings?
i wanna say i don't give a shit about fuck. but truth is, we all need to give a shit about something. but what? all my life, i've given shit to different things, but never two things at the same time. i devote my life to different ideals at different times. but ideals fail me. they fail me miserably.
songs that used to sing to me don't. songs that didn't use to, do. but it scares me. it scares me that songs that used to make no sense to me suddenly do. so i don't lose myself in the song. songs are powerful powerful weapons. i'm afraid i'll get lost.
so now i'm trying to feel, but can't feel. trying to think, but can't think. trying to turn to the things that used to define me, but can't be bothered. find them trivial. trying to turn to those i love, but doubting how much i actually love them, fearing some other motive, some other sinister motive.
i found myself stark naked in the toilet, about to bathe, looking at the ceiling, as if looking for clues in the wall. trying to sing in the shower, as if still looking for myself in the song. trying to feel, but afraid. afraid to take that step into an endless world.
the world is full of illusions. i feel like an illusion. i feel the lightness of being. feeling, logic, ideal, and memory: are they what make us?
everything is flux.
ya basically that's how i feel right now. light. not physically. haha... i wish ah... not the kind of lightness associated with freedom and flying like a bird, but a lightness of being.
today was a pretty ok day. muah. but i really dunno how i feel. i mean i feel something but i dunno what it is....
i know i shld be angry, cos some things pissed me off today, but i'm not quite angry. i shld be happy cos i had what, logically is a great day, haha but logic isn't heart.
or maybe i'm running away. wait, i know i'm runing away. i'm running away from sth, but i dunno what's chasing me. i'm hiding from sth, but what?
i think it's fear. fear drives me. i always say love drives me. but has it been overtaken by fear masquerading as love? is fear of losing love an illusion for love?
then my memories seem distant. not that i can't remember them, but that i can't connect with the Mark in my memories. memories i used to hold dear seem insignificant.
i'm searching, but is searching actally fear? what do i fear? what am i running from? why do i feel everything but nothing? am i refusing to feel? do i fear my feelings?
i wanna say i don't give a shit about fuck. but truth is, we all need to give a shit about something. but what? all my life, i've given shit to different things, but never two things at the same time. i devote my life to different ideals at different times. but ideals fail me. they fail me miserably.
songs that used to sing to me don't. songs that didn't use to, do. but it scares me. it scares me that songs that used to make no sense to me suddenly do. so i don't lose myself in the song. songs are powerful powerful weapons. i'm afraid i'll get lost.
so now i'm trying to feel, but can't feel. trying to think, but can't think. trying to turn to the things that used to define me, but can't be bothered. find them trivial. trying to turn to those i love, but doubting how much i actually love them, fearing some other motive, some other sinister motive.
i found myself stark naked in the toilet, about to bathe, looking at the ceiling, as if looking for clues in the wall. trying to sing in the shower, as if still looking for myself in the song. trying to feel, but afraid. afraid to take that step into an endless world.
the world is full of illusions. i feel like an illusion. i feel the lightness of being. feeling, logic, ideal, and memory: are they what make us?
everything is flux.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
I have photographic evidence of students who don't see themselves as students but as sex symbols
eh, hello, uncle. how u doing today?
i'm not happy thank u very much. u r the principal of that school?
yes. and we're always so very proud of all our lovely students.
u know, i have a complain to make. i've caught your students wearing the uniform with the skirt too short.
well, u know our students... always so charming and sometimes annoying. they'll always be so funky, cos that's what makes our school.
oh really? i have photographic evidence. and i have sent it to your precious Minister. and i told him that your school is not teaching them proper moral values. they don't see themsleves as students, but as sex symbols.
WHAT?!!! ok. u know, now i feel our light-handed methods don't work. we must adopt a more heavy-handed approach. i totally feel that we have had the wrong philosophy. i mean, what kind of shitty school policy can allow our students to send the wrong message to my good friend the minister?
hmm. now u get it.
u know what mister? can i see the photos for myself?
sure. i've kept the original copies with me. come into my house.
ok thanks. eh, u live by yourself ah? this place is pretty cramped.
ya what to do? no woman wants me. sometimes it gets pretty lonely.
so where are the photos?
oh right over there. they're on my bed.
those under the lubricating lotion is it?
ya ya. those.
ohhhh wow. from where did u take these? how did u get such high resolution.
oh. let me show u my camera. it's the state-of-the-art with zooming telescoping lens. can see anything from the comfort of my room.
anything?
yes, anything.
hmmm... ya ya, i agree. all these girls skirts are way too short. i'm so sorry u had to see our girls like this. but there's a problem. how can i punish these girls if u never take their face, only take their legs?
oh don't worry. i'll personally come to your school and identify them. i'll do anything so that our schools will be filled with girls who dress decently, even if i have to deal with them personally, in my own special way.
oh, u can't count this one. she's not wearing school uniform. i mean, ya of course she shows a bit more skin than others-- she's bathing what...
ok la ok la. i'll just keep that one for myself. but the rest are incriminating evidence!
ok i'm sooo sorry ah, mister. when it comes to my schools reputation, i won't let anything stand in the way. u're welcome to take pictures anytime from now on bcos i'll address this problem by tmr. ok i gotta go now. i'll just help u throw away these old bottles of lubricating lotion on my way out...
ok thx, principal. oh, while u're at it, can u help me plug in that vibrating device? oh ya... gimme back my pictures. they're not for u to keep. i've cced the email i sent to the Minister to u already so u have a copy.
ok, here u go. bye.
bye.
i'm not happy thank u very much. u r the principal of that school?
yes. and we're always so very proud of all our lovely students.
u know, i have a complain to make. i've caught your students wearing the uniform with the skirt too short.
well, u know our students... always so charming and sometimes annoying. they'll always be so funky, cos that's what makes our school.
oh really? i have photographic evidence. and i have sent it to your precious Minister. and i told him that your school is not teaching them proper moral values. they don't see themsleves as students, but as sex symbols.
WHAT?!!! ok. u know, now i feel our light-handed methods don't work. we must adopt a more heavy-handed approach. i totally feel that we have had the wrong philosophy. i mean, what kind of shitty school policy can allow our students to send the wrong message to my good friend the minister?
hmm. now u get it.
u know what mister? can i see the photos for myself?
sure. i've kept the original copies with me. come into my house.
ok thanks. eh, u live by yourself ah? this place is pretty cramped.
ya what to do? no woman wants me. sometimes it gets pretty lonely.
so where are the photos?
oh right over there. they're on my bed.
those under the lubricating lotion is it?
ya ya. those.
ohhhh wow. from where did u take these? how did u get such high resolution.
oh. let me show u my camera. it's the state-of-the-art with zooming telescoping lens. can see anything from the comfort of my room.
anything?
yes, anything.
hmmm... ya ya, i agree. all these girls skirts are way too short. i'm so sorry u had to see our girls like this. but there's a problem. how can i punish these girls if u never take their face, only take their legs?
oh don't worry. i'll personally come to your school and identify them. i'll do anything so that our schools will be filled with girls who dress decently, even if i have to deal with them personally, in my own special way.
oh, u can't count this one. she's not wearing school uniform. i mean, ya of course she shows a bit more skin than others-- she's bathing what...
ok la ok la. i'll just keep that one for myself. but the rest are incriminating evidence!
ok i'm sooo sorry ah, mister. when it comes to my schools reputation, i won't let anything stand in the way. u're welcome to take pictures anytime from now on bcos i'll address this problem by tmr. ok i gotta go now. i'll just help u throw away these old bottles of lubricating lotion on my way out...
ok thx, principal. oh, while u're at it, can u help me plug in that vibrating device? oh ya... gimme back my pictures. they're not for u to keep. i've cced the email i sent to the Minister to u already so u have a copy.
ok, here u go. bye.
bye.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I feel so dam narcissistic....
ok, it's ironic. i have to become everything i hate. u know, for our A level cert, we have to write about our top 2 achievements, and blow it out of proportion. haha, here's the crap i wrote:
"International Science School
Mark had successfully competed against hundreds of students to clinch a place in the prestigious fully MOE-sponsored international science attachment. He represented Singapore in a two-week International Science School (ISS) held in Sydney in July 2005. The ISS had participants from 9 different countries and has seen numerous eminent professors and lecturers contributing to the highly enriching event. Throughout the event, Mark made many international friends, pursued his interest in science, broadened his world-view and gained invaluable exposure.
Physics Olympiad
Mark was truly challenged in his participating in the Physics Olympiad. Having to master the entire Physics syllabus was a daunting task, but Mark rose to the occasion. In doing so, he demonstrated a great capability for independent learning as well as a strong determination driven by his great passion for Physics and related fields. For his efforts, he represented the College and clinched a Bronze medal in the Singapore Physics Olympiad. This outstanding result won him a place in the training team for the International Physics Olympiad, and he continued to work hard for during his months of intensive training. Although Mark did not eventually manage to qualify for the final team, those months of training alongside the elite Physics team has benefited him very much."
ok. so i've perfected the skill of making something out of nothing. let's try more. here r my other top achievements (well, at least in my imagination).
Member of 369 gang
Mark has demonstrated top leaderhip potential as a charismatic member of the 369 gang. He has planned many gang fights and drawn much graffitti, contributing to the creative atmosphere in the nieghbourhood. He has also said a record of 579 "fucks", 367 "cheebye" and 75 "KKNBCCB", demonstrating his great passion for the gang and its illustrious use of foul language.
Cleaning the toilet seat
Befor shitting in a public toilet, Mark never fails to take a piece of toilet paper and wipe the seat. This has demonstrated his immense capacity for cleaniness, and his undying concern for the environment. He shows great potential in being a future Minister of the Environment, because of his passion for shit and it's related fields. For his efforts, he was awarded with a prestigous clean ass.
Drinking Coffee
Mark strives to do the best in everything he pursues. Today, he drank a cup of coffee. Not only did he drink it, he also sipped it slowly and savoured the aroma, even though it was just 3-in-1 coffee. He displays a passion unseen in so many promising young candidates and coffee drinkers, and will go far in pursuing his coffee-related dreams. This heroic, awe-inspinring and tear-jearking epic saga of how a man is faced with a daunting cup of coffee, drinks it, and overcomes the insurmountable adversity of drinking coffee, is the stuff of legends. Mark's lifetime goal is to drink a can of Red Bull before he turns 30.
haha. maybe i should put those as my top 3 achievements instead...
kiss my prestigous clean ass.
"International Science School
Mark had successfully competed against hundreds of students to clinch a place in the prestigious fully MOE-sponsored international science attachment. He represented Singapore in a two-week International Science School (ISS) held in Sydney in July 2005. The ISS had participants from 9 different countries and has seen numerous eminent professors and lecturers contributing to the highly enriching event. Throughout the event, Mark made many international friends, pursued his interest in science, broadened his world-view and gained invaluable exposure.
Physics Olympiad
Mark was truly challenged in his participating in the Physics Olympiad. Having to master the entire Physics syllabus was a daunting task, but Mark rose to the occasion. In doing so, he demonstrated a great capability for independent learning as well as a strong determination driven by his great passion for Physics and related fields. For his efforts, he represented the College and clinched a Bronze medal in the Singapore Physics Olympiad. This outstanding result won him a place in the training team for the International Physics Olympiad, and he continued to work hard for during his months of intensive training. Although Mark did not eventually manage to qualify for the final team, those months of training alongside the elite Physics team has benefited him very much."
ok. so i've perfected the skill of making something out of nothing. let's try more. here r my other top achievements (well, at least in my imagination).
Member of 369 gang
Mark has demonstrated top leaderhip potential as a charismatic member of the 369 gang. He has planned many gang fights and drawn much graffitti, contributing to the creative atmosphere in the nieghbourhood. He has also said a record of 579 "fucks", 367 "cheebye" and 75 "KKNBCCB", demonstrating his great passion for the gang and its illustrious use of foul language.
Cleaning the toilet seat
Befor shitting in a public toilet, Mark never fails to take a piece of toilet paper and wipe the seat. This has demonstrated his immense capacity for cleaniness, and his undying concern for the environment. He shows great potential in being a future Minister of the Environment, because of his passion for shit and it's related fields. For his efforts, he was awarded with a prestigous clean ass.
Drinking Coffee
Mark strives to do the best in everything he pursues. Today, he drank a cup of coffee. Not only did he drink it, he also sipped it slowly and savoured the aroma, even though it was just 3-in-1 coffee. He displays a passion unseen in so many promising young candidates and coffee drinkers, and will go far in pursuing his coffee-related dreams. This heroic, awe-inspinring and tear-jearking epic saga of how a man is faced with a daunting cup of coffee, drinks it, and overcomes the insurmountable adversity of drinking coffee, is the stuff of legends. Mark's lifetime goal is to drink a can of Red Bull before he turns 30.
haha. maybe i should put those as my top 3 achievements instead...
kiss my prestigous clean ass.
should guys make spring sounds?
let's talk about "diao". 1st, how should u spell diao? let's take a vote:
1. diao
2. thenao
3. deeow
4. deown
lemme know guys... for now, i'll stick to option 1, diao.
2nd: what is the definition of diao?
Diao dee-hown
a springy sound, usually used to express a feeling of lameness at a lame or obvious comment, or an anticlaimax. used in a similar context as "..." or dots, or dotz.
3rd, usage:
1. "Why did the chicken cross the road? So that it could cross the road."
"diao."
2. "Eh, u mean Italy won World Cup ah?"
"diao."
3. "Eh u know today the lecturer was dam boring, and the lecture very diao one."
4th, is it just a girl thing? cos i hear a many girls use it, but very rare for guys. ok. let's take another vote. Can guys say "diao"? Or r girls the only one obssesed with springs?
5th, what is it's origin? I think ah, it has a similar origin to "wah wah wah". Again, spelling is a problem. u know, when japanese anime guys look like this: -.- and a giant tear comes out of their eye? and then it goes "wah wah wah"...? So i think diao has a similar origin.
Leave ur comments to this entry, i wanna know what u guys think about diao...
kiss my ass.
diao.
1. diao
2. thenao
3. deeow
4. deown
lemme know guys... for now, i'll stick to option 1, diao.
2nd: what is the definition of diao?
Diao dee-hown
a springy sound, usually used to express a feeling of lameness at a lame or obvious comment, or an anticlaimax. used in a similar context as "..." or dots, or dotz.
3rd, usage:
1. "Why did the chicken cross the road? So that it could cross the road."
"diao."
2. "Eh, u mean Italy won World Cup ah?"
"diao."
3. "Eh u know today the lecturer was dam boring, and the lecture very diao one."
4th, is it just a girl thing? cos i hear a many girls use it, but very rare for guys. ok. let's take another vote. Can guys say "diao"? Or r girls the only one obssesed with springs?
5th, what is it's origin? I think ah, it has a similar origin to "wah wah wah". Again, spelling is a problem. u know, when japanese anime guys look like this: -.- and a giant tear comes out of their eye? and then it goes "wah wah wah"...? So i think diao has a similar origin.
Leave ur comments to this entry, i wanna know what u guys think about diao...
kiss my ass.
diao.
Friday, July 07, 2006
On Religion
ok time to be serious again. nowadays nobody just asks u what's ur religion. They ask, then I say "I'm a Catholic." then the next question comes, "are u a strict Catholic?" So I say, "what's a strict Catholic?" The usual criteria come out: take Mass seriously, don't say bad words, don't use God's name in vain, etc. Well, thing is, by that criteria, I don't think I'm a strict Catholic. So then I'm just a Catholic in name? Well, to some pple, in this world, there r only 2 types of Christians, those that r only Sunday Christians, and those that r exteremely pious, religious and Holy. What happened to the in between?
Ok, so we say, yes, the Bible, is Holy and perfect, and we should not have the right to pick and choose what we want to follow and what we don't really feel like following. From this POV, there can only be 2 types of Christians. But, u see, the problem here is we then become unquestioning followers of the faith. And personally, I don't think this is very good.
U see, to follow the Bible perfectly, we must first have perfect love. God is love, and we were created and redeemed out of love, so we are works of God's love. But here's the tricky part about love: It can't exist without free will. I mean, if u force a person to love u, can u really say it's love? God could have easily created perfect sinless people programmed to love him perfectly, just as he loved us. But then, it wouldn't really be called love, would it?
That's why He gave us this important gift of free will, the ability to choose to love Him or not. And even though by right we should all choose to love Him, all of us have chosen not to. that's why we sin. That's why there's death and suffering, because of ourselves. But free will is very important; without free will there cannot be love. So God created us precisely to reason, to question, to choose, to defy. And it is only when we question our faith, and we try to put it into perspective, that it truly becomes ours, it truly becomes us.
Think of a fanatic radical, brought up with strict rules of religions, following doctrines and rituals he never really understood, but believes it to be the unquestionable truth. That is in many ways admirable, but not so admirable as a person who reads the Bible and says: "I disagree." Goes about disagreeing with it, then realises that it hurts others or makes him unhappy, then realises why God wants this for him, and then practices it. This is much more beautiful. True, NOTHING gives us the right to question the Bible, but when we do, we know we can always be forgiven because God died for us.
U know, i think eventually all of us will follow the Bible unquestionably, and that will be in heaven. Because it is only when we have attained perfection, Holiness, and become saints, that we can truly and wholeheartedly follow the truths stated in the Bible. And this is not out of any brainwashing or fear, but out of complete and perfect love, a love that can only be completed by the grace of God.
Another thing is, if I were to be a perfect Catholic, or at least try to be, like every Friday don't eat meat, everyday say Rosary, not a single bad word from my mouth, then I'd get tired really fast. The first few weeks will be easy, but after a while we'll just get sian and ask "why r we doing this?"
Also, there are a lot of things i truly believe in. Like I think abortion is totally wrong and evil and barbaric. but if I were a perfectionst Catholic, pple would just think: ah... u're just saying that bcos ur Bishop told u to, or ur Pope told u to... U see, we've gotta keep it real. We're real pple with real weaknesses, real sins and real imperfections. If we don't keep it real, then those things which are real don't quite become real anymore.
I strongly believe that the best way to evangelise is by action. but what action is the most effective? Is it really pulling ur face whenever ur friends tell a dirty joke? Or vociferously condemning gambling when ur actually dying inside to bet on Italy? I think it's the small things, a kind word when it's really needed, befriending someone who's feeling left out, or deciding to stay home with Mum when she's feeling down. These things. "By this, all men will know you are My disciples."
And of course, getting involved! there's no better substitute to joining a Church group, getting out there and getting your hands dirty.... It's fun, meaningful, we'll break a lot of rules along the way, but God's Love touches your life thru it... And the more u love God, the more keeping His rules will come naturally to u. not bcos u wanna get in heaven by keeping them, but bcos u already know God's love bought ur ticket to heaven with his blood, and that the only natural thing to do is to Love Him in return, bcos He loved us first.
Yup... haha... my first really serious post :)
Ok, so we say, yes, the Bible, is Holy and perfect, and we should not have the right to pick and choose what we want to follow and what we don't really feel like following. From this POV, there can only be 2 types of Christians. But, u see, the problem here is we then become unquestioning followers of the faith. And personally, I don't think this is very good.
U see, to follow the Bible perfectly, we must first have perfect love. God is love, and we were created and redeemed out of love, so we are works of God's love. But here's the tricky part about love: It can't exist without free will. I mean, if u force a person to love u, can u really say it's love? God could have easily created perfect sinless people programmed to love him perfectly, just as he loved us. But then, it wouldn't really be called love, would it?
That's why He gave us this important gift of free will, the ability to choose to love Him or not. And even though by right we should all choose to love Him, all of us have chosen not to. that's why we sin. That's why there's death and suffering, because of ourselves. But free will is very important; without free will there cannot be love. So God created us precisely to reason, to question, to choose, to defy. And it is only when we question our faith, and we try to put it into perspective, that it truly becomes ours, it truly becomes us.
Think of a fanatic radical, brought up with strict rules of religions, following doctrines and rituals he never really understood, but believes it to be the unquestionable truth. That is in many ways admirable, but not so admirable as a person who reads the Bible and says: "I disagree." Goes about disagreeing with it, then realises that it hurts others or makes him unhappy, then realises why God wants this for him, and then practices it. This is much more beautiful. True, NOTHING gives us the right to question the Bible, but when we do, we know we can always be forgiven because God died for us.
U know, i think eventually all of us will follow the Bible unquestionably, and that will be in heaven. Because it is only when we have attained perfection, Holiness, and become saints, that we can truly and wholeheartedly follow the truths stated in the Bible. And this is not out of any brainwashing or fear, but out of complete and perfect love, a love that can only be completed by the grace of God.
Another thing is, if I were to be a perfect Catholic, or at least try to be, like every Friday don't eat meat, everyday say Rosary, not a single bad word from my mouth, then I'd get tired really fast. The first few weeks will be easy, but after a while we'll just get sian and ask "why r we doing this?"
Also, there are a lot of things i truly believe in. Like I think abortion is totally wrong and evil and barbaric. but if I were a perfectionst Catholic, pple would just think: ah... u're just saying that bcos ur Bishop told u to, or ur Pope told u to... U see, we've gotta keep it real. We're real pple with real weaknesses, real sins and real imperfections. If we don't keep it real, then those things which are real don't quite become real anymore.
I strongly believe that the best way to evangelise is by action. but what action is the most effective? Is it really pulling ur face whenever ur friends tell a dirty joke? Or vociferously condemning gambling when ur actually dying inside to bet on Italy? I think it's the small things, a kind word when it's really needed, befriending someone who's feeling left out, or deciding to stay home with Mum when she's feeling down. These things. "By this, all men will know you are My disciples."
And of course, getting involved! there's no better substitute to joining a Church group, getting out there and getting your hands dirty.... It's fun, meaningful, we'll break a lot of rules along the way, but God's Love touches your life thru it... And the more u love God, the more keeping His rules will come naturally to u. not bcos u wanna get in heaven by keeping them, but bcos u already know God's love bought ur ticket to heaven with his blood, and that the only natural thing to do is to Love Him in return, bcos He loved us first.
Yup... haha... my first really serious post :)
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
i'm feeling random today
i'm feeling random today so i'll say some random stuff.
1. in yesterday's newspaper, i saw a quote from lindsey lohan. she said "I used to date a guy who kept calling me 'kid'--I hated it. I've been thru more than many pple have in lifetimes" wa lau. she's dam childish. i mean i liked some of her earlier movies but now she just sucks.
2. was walking home from my braces dentist today. there's this really sleazy place in lucky plaza that i have to pass to reach the mrt. it's called house of condom. so it sells like all those sex toys etc. then i saw a 50 plus year old couple stepping out of it holding hands. yuck. but heh at least they're trying to spice up the marraige. yuck. let me go puke now.
3. ok i'm back. there's a dammmm funny article in the newspaper today abt soccer players. it goes like a dictionary kind of definitions. hahahahahaha. my kind of humour. (btw that's how the queen spells humor, americans). here are some qoutes:
RONALDO
If u take it in the Brazilian context it means "fat person". As in "Eat too much and u'll become a Ronaldo". In Portugese context, it means "betrayal" or "traitor", usually refers to someone who stabs someone in the back by acting unsportingly. Historically, the English hardly use this word, however, they have an equivalent--"Bastard".
BECKHAM
A "Beckham" is a true English word.It's a word that can even bring tears to a glass eye because it's origin is so touching. A long time ago, there was an English prince, very handsome, not too bright, hapily married to a queen of shopping, who was very emotional whenever he fought for engalnd. This prince cried very often because evrytime he put on his battle gear, he got very emotional. This story has been used to inspire english achoolchildrin throughout the ages.
Usage: "you are so patriotic. One day, u'll be the Beckham of Singapore."
BALLACK
A Ballack is the German equivalent of Beackham, only if u r described as one, u wouldn't have cried so much. Since in German, it involves a certain degree of pain and angst. Describes sacrifice and struggle.
High Ballack: extreme pain, hobbling during football match.
Low Ballack: helpless suspension, where u sit out a game thru injury.
Usage: "your Ballack inspired us to push thru, and topple the regime that has dominated us for 50 years."
ERIKSSON
Can be used in many ways. It's so versatile that pple havr used it to descibe a depressed feeling, a hopeless state of mind, a sense of impotence, and a sense of no importance.
Usages for:
"boring": "I fell asleep in class today bcos Mrs Tan gave an Eriksson."
a sexual term: "U r such an Eriksson I wouldn't sleep with u even if u're the last man on Earth."
as an epithet: "Get away from me! Erik***n you!"
Ya. these r from an article my Tay Yek Keak for Life!
4. about asian guys: u know my grandpa never fails to surprise me. he's the typical asian JOhn Wayne--no affection, hard as a rock, and always pulling a long face. his famous quote: "Gua lasing you bettole bettole!" which is an amalgam of malay and english, and i'm not sure if there's some hokkien in there... it means "I'll whack u good good." haha. ok and whenever he walks with my grandma, he walks like 20 metres ahead of her, the quintessential asian gentlemanly way. and he always looks at his watch whenever grandma socialises with pple he couldn't care less for. (which like 80% of the pple she knows)
u get the picture.
but yesterday during a church thing, the priest was trying to make a point abt needing to trust those we love. so he asked my grandma to close her eyes and grandpa to lead her wherever he liked. I was thinking "oh crap... this is just gonna be one embarassing standoff. pls pls pls don't scold the priest..." but to my surprise, he sprang up from his seat, and yes, i use "sprang" in the most literal meaning of the word, as in "my crazy 69 year old grandad sprang like an excited kid" and grasped grandma tightly by the hand AND wrist, and led her all the way around, opening doors, leading her thru rooms all over, and smiling as he did so. and he led her back deftly. i think he was really enthusiastic about leading his darling wife who trusted him, even for a short moment.
so the priest asked her how she felt abt it, and she said (mind u, this is a woman who frequently refers to her husband as a "lousy peranakan barbarian"), she said "I feel safe when guided by a person i trust." amazing. granpa really impressed me yesterday. then of course, after mass he goes back to his usual routine of yelling to the priest how the comfort taxi drivers should get together and oppose the taxi price hike. lol.
but my point is, i guess even tho we've got more western, asian guys r like that. really terrified of betraying any feelings of affection whatsoever. so all u asian girls out there who're thinking of ditching your asian dude for a more "open" western guy, remb that asian guys r actually full of love, just needs the right situation to bring it out. it's kind of like a beauty and the beast kind of story, the womans affection and patience brings out the best in a hardened man... and in moments like this when it happens, it's really beautiful la, i must say.
and really, i think a lot of times, ang mo guys r just gimmicky. all the roses n chocolates and "soulmate" and "i will die for u"... it's nice la, but gets kinda lame if used alot of times, and many times, it's just bullshit. pardon my nationalistic feelings. heh. but a lot of them r nice also :) just to be politically correct. just can't stand asian girls who say they'll never go for asian guys... (no, that's not an excuse i got b4, in case ur wondering...)
haha. ok enough of my random rant.
kiss my ass.
1. in yesterday's newspaper, i saw a quote from lindsey lohan. she said "I used to date a guy who kept calling me 'kid'--I hated it. I've been thru more than many pple have in lifetimes" wa lau. she's dam childish. i mean i liked some of her earlier movies but now she just sucks.
2. was walking home from my braces dentist today. there's this really sleazy place in lucky plaza that i have to pass to reach the mrt. it's called house of condom. so it sells like all those sex toys etc. then i saw a 50 plus year old couple stepping out of it holding hands. yuck. but heh at least they're trying to spice up the marraige. yuck. let me go puke now.
3. ok i'm back. there's a dammmm funny article in the newspaper today abt soccer players. it goes like a dictionary kind of definitions. hahahahahaha. my kind of humour. (btw that's how the queen spells humor, americans). here are some qoutes:
RONALDO
If u take it in the Brazilian context it means "fat person". As in "Eat too much and u'll become a Ronaldo". In Portugese context, it means "betrayal" or "traitor", usually refers to someone who stabs someone in the back by acting unsportingly. Historically, the English hardly use this word, however, they have an equivalent--"Bastard".
BECKHAM
A "Beckham" is a true English word.It's a word that can even bring tears to a glass eye because it's origin is so touching. A long time ago, there was an English prince, very handsome, not too bright, hapily married to a queen of shopping, who was very emotional whenever he fought for engalnd. This prince cried very often because evrytime he put on his battle gear, he got very emotional. This story has been used to inspire english achoolchildrin throughout the ages.
Usage: "you are so patriotic. One day, u'll be the Beckham of Singapore."
BALLACK
A Ballack is the German equivalent of Beackham, only if u r described as one, u wouldn't have cried so much. Since in German, it involves a certain degree of pain and angst. Describes sacrifice and struggle.
High Ballack: extreme pain, hobbling during football match.
Low Ballack: helpless suspension, where u sit out a game thru injury.
Usage: "your Ballack inspired us to push thru, and topple the regime that has dominated us for 50 years."
ERIKSSON
Can be used in many ways. It's so versatile that pple havr used it to descibe a depressed feeling, a hopeless state of mind, a sense of impotence, and a sense of no importance.
Usages for:
"boring": "I fell asleep in class today bcos Mrs Tan gave an Eriksson."
a sexual term: "U r such an Eriksson I wouldn't sleep with u even if u're the last man on Earth."
as an epithet: "Get away from me! Erik***n you!"
Ya. these r from an article my Tay Yek Keak for Life!
4. about asian guys: u know my grandpa never fails to surprise me. he's the typical asian JOhn Wayne--no affection, hard as a rock, and always pulling a long face. his famous quote: "Gua lasing you bettole bettole!" which is an amalgam of malay and english, and i'm not sure if there's some hokkien in there... it means "I'll whack u good good." haha. ok and whenever he walks with my grandma, he walks like 20 metres ahead of her, the quintessential asian gentlemanly way. and he always looks at his watch whenever grandma socialises with pple he couldn't care less for. (which like 80% of the pple she knows)
u get the picture.
but yesterday during a church thing, the priest was trying to make a point abt needing to trust those we love. so he asked my grandma to close her eyes and grandpa to lead her wherever he liked. I was thinking "oh crap... this is just gonna be one embarassing standoff. pls pls pls don't scold the priest..." but to my surprise, he sprang up from his seat, and yes, i use "sprang" in the most literal meaning of the word, as in "my crazy 69 year old grandad sprang like an excited kid" and grasped grandma tightly by the hand AND wrist, and led her all the way around, opening doors, leading her thru rooms all over, and smiling as he did so. and he led her back deftly. i think he was really enthusiastic about leading his darling wife who trusted him, even for a short moment.
so the priest asked her how she felt abt it, and she said (mind u, this is a woman who frequently refers to her husband as a "lousy peranakan barbarian"), she said "I feel safe when guided by a person i trust." amazing. granpa really impressed me yesterday. then of course, after mass he goes back to his usual routine of yelling to the priest how the comfort taxi drivers should get together and oppose the taxi price hike. lol.
but my point is, i guess even tho we've got more western, asian guys r like that. really terrified of betraying any feelings of affection whatsoever. so all u asian girls out there who're thinking of ditching your asian dude for a more "open" western guy, remb that asian guys r actually full of love, just needs the right situation to bring it out. it's kind of like a beauty and the beast kind of story, the womans affection and patience brings out the best in a hardened man... and in moments like this when it happens, it's really beautiful la, i must say.
and really, i think a lot of times, ang mo guys r just gimmicky. all the roses n chocolates and "soulmate" and "i will die for u"... it's nice la, but gets kinda lame if used alot of times, and many times, it's just bullshit. pardon my nationalistic feelings. heh. but a lot of them r nice also :) just to be politically correct. just can't stand asian girls who say they'll never go for asian guys... (no, that's not an excuse i got b4, in case ur wondering...)
haha. ok enough of my random rant.
kiss my ass.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
i don't give a shit
u know... before today, there're a million times i wanted to, but never said fuck in my blog. u know why? bcos i'm afraid that when i go for job interview for psc or sth, they're gonna dig up my blog and use it against me. well u know what, i don't fucking care any fucking more. so here's a tribute to all u fuckers out there who told me not to "create a bad impression". FUCK YOU! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
u know i realised my whole life i've always cared what pple think abt me? i always wanna give my teachers a good impression. whenever i'm out in public in school uni, i always behave like guai kia, whenever my friends played cards in public (which btw is only once), di u know whatn i think of? guess. just guess. i imagine that the police r gonna come, arrest us for gambling and then get a police record and i cannot work for civil service any more.... u know when we played pool and sneaked in an underage guy, everytime the music stopped, i imagined that it was a raid and the police were gonna arrest us all... it's ruined my life... u know i'm never able to enjoy what i do cos i'm always woried to give a bad impression... this fucking paranoia has fucking consumed me!
and u know what the worst part is? i'm not likely to change anytime soon. i can tell myself i don't care but i probably do. so here goes " I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD THINKS OF ME ANYMORE. FUCK." there. i did it. did i change? i dunno, i really dunno.
u know, being a kid who was always at the top, pple will always tell me "must get a good portfolio." they've also conveniently told me, out of the kindness of their kind loving hearts, exactly what a good portfolio comprises. hmm... let's see... ok, the government says i must have good grades. check. the government says i must be well rounded. let's see... i learn music. check. i do fencing. check. but my napfa fail. oh no. how? i'm not well rounded enough to qualify as a real person. the government says i must show passion for what i study. so i study science. so ust do science research. oh ya i participated in a science research combination just for this. yes! the government's gonna be real pleased with me. i mean that's totally gonna get me further man. wow. i have so much passion man. government says i've got to be a leader. oh fuck! i should have joined sc... now how to get psc scholarship like that??? how to have my precious "overseas study experience"? how? ok... i was a leader in my church group and church camp... but it's church, so doesn't qualify. as far as i'm concerned, that's worth nothing. ok. thanks, guys, u've really shown me how to enrich my life. i dunno what i'd do without u....
my whole bloddy life i've been obssesed with creating an impression for others... then what happened? i become a bloody nerd la! so now i have to denerdify myself.
but then again, shld i listen if pple say i'm a nerd, and should i change? i mean, if i hate being a conformist, and don't wanna conform what pple think is a good career, a godd portfolio, etc.., then why shld i change to denerdify myself? wouldn't that like not be true to myself?
but then again, is there really a "myself"? i mean, when we say we're being true to oursleves, who are we really talking abt? who is this nebulous person we call "myself"? is he a set of properties, with certain likes and dislikes. but then again, aren't our likes and dislikes formed from others in the first place? so maybe there really isn't a "myself"... so maybe we form our own "myselfs"...
ok, what do i know abt myself, and if i chenge EVERYTHING, what's not gonna change?
1. I love God.
2. I know God loves me and that Jesus died for me.
3. I know that love is the most important thing in the universe.
4. I know I love my friends, because I love God in them.
5. I know God is in all humanity, so I should love all humanity.
yup.that's about it. u know, everything else: my hobbies, my interests, everything was fromed from pple. everything's arbitrary. everything can change and i guess i wouldn't be changing who i am. or is it too late? has this already become who i am? i seriously hope not. if everything changes, then only those 5 points above must not change. everything else can change, and i'll be true to myself.
so i really dunno... i'd like to say i don't care abt creating a good impression, but truth is, even if we hate it, it's still the sad truth in this world. and anw, change doesn't happen overnight... so see how lar...
i won't end this message with a thanks. that's a step i guess. haha...
kiss my ass.
u know i realised my whole life i've always cared what pple think abt me? i always wanna give my teachers a good impression. whenever i'm out in public in school uni, i always behave like guai kia, whenever my friends played cards in public (which btw is only once), di u know whatn i think of? guess. just guess. i imagine that the police r gonna come, arrest us for gambling and then get a police record and i cannot work for civil service any more.... u know when we played pool and sneaked in an underage guy, everytime the music stopped, i imagined that it was a raid and the police were gonna arrest us all... it's ruined my life... u know i'm never able to enjoy what i do cos i'm always woried to give a bad impression... this fucking paranoia has fucking consumed me!
and u know what the worst part is? i'm not likely to change anytime soon. i can tell myself i don't care but i probably do. so here goes " I DON'T CARE WHAT THE WORLD THINKS OF ME ANYMORE. FUCK." there. i did it. did i change? i dunno, i really dunno.
u know, being a kid who was always at the top, pple will always tell me "must get a good portfolio." they've also conveniently told me, out of the kindness of their kind loving hearts, exactly what a good portfolio comprises. hmm... let's see... ok, the government says i must have good grades. check. the government says i must be well rounded. let's see... i learn music. check. i do fencing. check. but my napfa fail. oh no. how? i'm not well rounded enough to qualify as a real person. the government says i must show passion for what i study. so i study science. so ust do science research. oh ya i participated in a science research combination just for this. yes! the government's gonna be real pleased with me. i mean that's totally gonna get me further man. wow. i have so much passion man. government says i've got to be a leader. oh fuck! i should have joined sc... now how to get psc scholarship like that??? how to have my precious "overseas study experience"? how? ok... i was a leader in my church group and church camp... but it's church, so doesn't qualify. as far as i'm concerned, that's worth nothing. ok. thanks, guys, u've really shown me how to enrich my life. i dunno what i'd do without u....
my whole bloddy life i've been obssesed with creating an impression for others... then what happened? i become a bloody nerd la! so now i have to denerdify myself.
but then again, shld i listen if pple say i'm a nerd, and should i change? i mean, if i hate being a conformist, and don't wanna conform what pple think is a good career, a godd portfolio, etc.., then why shld i change to denerdify myself? wouldn't that like not be true to myself?
but then again, is there really a "myself"? i mean, when we say we're being true to oursleves, who are we really talking abt? who is this nebulous person we call "myself"? is he a set of properties, with certain likes and dislikes. but then again, aren't our likes and dislikes formed from others in the first place? so maybe there really isn't a "myself"... so maybe we form our own "myselfs"...
ok, what do i know abt myself, and if i chenge EVERYTHING, what's not gonna change?
1. I love God.
2. I know God loves me and that Jesus died for me.
3. I know that love is the most important thing in the universe.
4. I know I love my friends, because I love God in them.
5. I know God is in all humanity, so I should love all humanity.
yup.that's about it. u know, everything else: my hobbies, my interests, everything was fromed from pple. everything's arbitrary. everything can change and i guess i wouldn't be changing who i am. or is it too late? has this already become who i am? i seriously hope not. if everything changes, then only those 5 points above must not change. everything else can change, and i'll be true to myself.
so i really dunno... i'd like to say i don't care abt creating a good impression, but truth is, even if we hate it, it's still the sad truth in this world. and anw, change doesn't happen overnight... so see how lar...
i won't end this message with a thanks. that's a step i guess. haha...
kiss my ass.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
sian.
sian. everyone finish common test. but i got bio s test tmr.... but haha there's evolution... that one little to read.... urrgh ecology also got... sian to learn cos it's like geog....
even so, i'm blogging now and spent 2 hours eating dinner with wei siong. yes wei siong came home from US a few days back.... he's some guy i know who used to teach my class bio for a term... he's supposed to be quite pro... studying bioengin at u penn... but apparently he's pissed at alotta things... says it's not as great as pple make it out to be... haharrr.. sounds familiar...
but it was cool tlking aft all these months... but dinner was way too ex for too little... but poor jk.. cos he recommended the place and we all suan him... say him rich kid... aiya but then again he did lose lyk $700 on soccer...
the past few days have been a fleeting experience... going to sch for a few hours to finish papers only to go home and do more papers... only thing to look forward to is the end of common test... but then again prelims in 2 months... arrrgh... the next half a year will but a fleeting existence such as this... times like these we gotta hold on to whatever we love... so that we can hold on to our sanity... worst part is, i just went thru this 2 years ago and it wasn't pretty... dammmmm sian....
thanks :)
even so, i'm blogging now and spent 2 hours eating dinner with wei siong. yes wei siong came home from US a few days back.... he's some guy i know who used to teach my class bio for a term... he's supposed to be quite pro... studying bioengin at u penn... but apparently he's pissed at alotta things... says it's not as great as pple make it out to be... haharrr.. sounds familiar...
but it was cool tlking aft all these months... but dinner was way too ex for too little... but poor jk.. cos he recommended the place and we all suan him... say him rich kid... aiya but then again he did lose lyk $700 on soccer...
the past few days have been a fleeting experience... going to sch for a few hours to finish papers only to go home and do more papers... only thing to look forward to is the end of common test... but then again prelims in 2 months... arrrgh... the next half a year will but a fleeting existence such as this... times like these we gotta hold on to whatever we love... so that we can hold on to our sanity... worst part is, i just went thru this 2 years ago and it wasn't pretty... dammmmm sian....
thanks :)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Haikus
since i'm in a poem mood today, i'll produce one last one.... before i go mug chem for tmr... it's a collection of haikus i wrote... I love haikus bcos they're so simple and elegant, and so mysterious... don't know if mine are though...
1.Playing hide-and-seek
Sunlight flickers, blackened leaves
Teasing as i pass.
2.Angsana seeds have
Drifted onto the pavement.
Warm evening sighs.
3.Across the blue sky
White clouds sail by and I ask:
Will we meet again?
4.An effervescence
Rises, rises beyond me,
Too many bubbles.
Ok. now i gotta go mug for chem...
Thanks.
1.Playing hide-and-seek
Sunlight flickers, blackened leaves
Teasing as i pass.
2.Angsana seeds have
Drifted onto the pavement.
Warm evening sighs.
3.Across the blue sky
White clouds sail by and I ask:
Will we meet again?
4.An effervescence
Rises, rises beyond me,
Too many bubbles.
Ok. now i gotta go mug for chem...
Thanks.
Friends Forever
ok here's another poem. this ones a very sentimental/nostalgic one. abt loss. not death kind of loss, but another kind of loss. it's about how temporary everything is, and how everything comes to an end. there's something tragic about the innocence and naivete that comes is portrayed here. a kind of a peter-pan-always-wanting-to-stay-in-neverland-forever-but-cannot kind of sadness. it's my favourite poem i've ever wrote. cos it's imspired from my own experience. enjoy.
Friends Forever
It's funny how
Our memories never seem to grow old.
While our hands get more calloused
Face gets more chiselled
And hair grows in the weirdest places
You still stay as innocent as ever
In my heart.
Somehow
I still remember your cute ponytails
Your young face and fair skin
And the way your eyes twinkle
Whenever you smiled.
And it's funny how
The multi-coloured inks
Spread in a bold chilidish font all over my autograph book
Never seem to lose their bright colour.
The "Friends 4ever"
Scribbled on the day we parted
Still shines brightly.
It's funny how
All the rest of my photographs yellow
Yet the ones with you in it
Stay as fresh as ever.
It's funny how
I can so vividly recall every childish joke
We laughed at together
All those years ago
And still laugh to myself
Tenderly.
And you know what?
Here's the funniest part.
When I finally do see you again
After all these years
You're not quite that little girl anymore
Not quite so bubbly
Not quite so warm.
And somehow
When I look back from here
The colourful words in my autograph book
Seem to have faded slightly,
The photos seem to have
Yellowed.
And the memories of that day
When we pink-promised to stay
Friends Forever
Seemed so much more distant.
ok. that's the poem. not bad right? i wrote it last year... but was too swakoo know how to put it on a blog... but it's rare that i actually write such a heartfelt one. hope u enjoyed it. it's a window into my psyche... heheheh... thanks...
Friends Forever
It's funny how
Our memories never seem to grow old.
While our hands get more calloused
Face gets more chiselled
And hair grows in the weirdest places
You still stay as innocent as ever
In my heart.
Somehow
I still remember your cute ponytails
Your young face and fair skin
And the way your eyes twinkle
Whenever you smiled.
And it's funny how
The multi-coloured inks
Spread in a bold chilidish font all over my autograph book
Never seem to lose their bright colour.
The "Friends 4ever"
Scribbled on the day we parted
Still shines brightly.
It's funny how
All the rest of my photographs yellow
Yet the ones with you in it
Stay as fresh as ever.
It's funny how
I can so vividly recall every childish joke
We laughed at together
All those years ago
And still laugh to myself
Tenderly.
And you know what?
Here's the funniest part.
When I finally do see you again
After all these years
You're not quite that little girl anymore
Not quite so bubbly
Not quite so warm.
And somehow
When I look back from here
The colourful words in my autograph book
Seem to have faded slightly,
The photos seem to have
Yellowed.
And the memories of that day
When we pink-promised to stay
Friends Forever
Seemed so much more distant.
ok. that's the poem. not bad right? i wrote it last year... but was too swakoo know how to put it on a blog... but it's rare that i actually write such a heartfelt one. hope u enjoyed it. it's a window into my psyche... heheheh... thanks...
Coins
ok i really shouldn't be writing this now. i got a chem test tmr and my teacher promises we'll die. but anw, here's a poem i wrote last year
i think pretty ok la, one of my better ones i feel. i was inspired by a sandman comic, where a genie held an entire knigdom for eternity in a jar, the wish of a great sultan of an empire at its peak. there was sth haunting abt it, sth sad, sth tragic that i wanted to communicate in this poem. it's about stopping to take a breath and look at our world gone by. it's a tribute to all our lost dreams and hopes that we've forgotten in the fast beat of life.
Coins
He simply sits there
Gazing by the old fountain
Down by 37th street and 8th Avenue
As the bustling multitude of life
Shuffels by.
Sometimes can't help but wonder
Between the mouldy cracked fountain
And the tired old man
Which is the monument?
And he sits there still
Patiently waiting for when the hustle, every once in a while
Stops.
And breathes.
Today that breath
Took the form of a young man
A go-getter
Sporting a sharp Ralph Lauren Jacket
Sprinting between his executive job
And his trophy wife.
When the young man just stops
And the hustle around him fades
And he has that same familiar look in his eyes.
The same look everyone has
When they
Stop.
Staring back at the old moument.
The young man reaches deep into his deep pocket
Brimming with dimes, quarters and dollars
And pulles out a single nickel
Closes his eyes
Draws his breath
And tosses it ito the old fountain.
There ends the brief relationship
Between the old and the new
As the young executive rejoins the city bustle
And the old man slowly
Reaches into the fountain
Picking that single nickel
And puts it into his little collection box
A jar of coins.
i think pretty ok la, one of my better ones i feel. i was inspired by a sandman comic, where a genie held an entire knigdom for eternity in a jar, the wish of a great sultan of an empire at its peak. there was sth haunting abt it, sth sad, sth tragic that i wanted to communicate in this poem. it's about stopping to take a breath and look at our world gone by. it's a tribute to all our lost dreams and hopes that we've forgotten in the fast beat of life.
Coins
He simply sits there
Gazing by the old fountain
Down by 37th street and 8th Avenue
As the bustling multitude of life
Shuffels by.
Sometimes can't help but wonder
Between the mouldy cracked fountain
And the tired old man
Which is the monument?
And he sits there still
Patiently waiting for when the hustle, every once in a while
Stops.
And breathes.
Today that breath
Took the form of a young man
A go-getter
Sporting a sharp Ralph Lauren Jacket
Sprinting between his executive job
And his trophy wife.
When the young man just stops
And the hustle around him fades
And he has that same familiar look in his eyes.
The same look everyone has
When they
Stop.
Staring back at the old moument.
The young man reaches deep into his deep pocket
Brimming with dimes, quarters and dollars
And pulles out a single nickel
Closes his eyes
Draws his breath
And tosses it ito the old fountain.
There ends the brief relationship
Between the old and the new
As the young executive rejoins the city bustle
And the old man slowly
Reaches into the fountain
Picking that single nickel
And puts it into his little collection box
A jar of coins.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Like...Totally... I'm sooo popular...
quek: ok guys, tonight on the like totally, i'm sooooo popular show, we got a really, hot chick tonight. no, that hot chick isn't me, although i really am popular.... like totally.... so let's give a like totally welcome to the like totally popular chick...omg... miss tan... arrrgh.....
tan: hi, omg, i totally can't believe i'm on the ....
quek and tan: LIKE TOTALLY I'M SOOOOO POPULAR SHOW..... ARRRGH....
quek: so ms tan, how does it feel to be on the like totally i'm so popular show...?
tan: like totally, totally COOL. cos it like totally describes me.
quek: why?
tan: cos, i'm like... so popular, and that's like... so totally true!
quek: totally!
tan: totally!
quek: totally!
tan: totally!
quek and tan: ARRRGH....!!!!
quek: so, tan, pls tell us all here, how come you're so like totally popular?
tan: omg, i like so totally predicted you were gonna ask that question! i must be, like, psychic or something.
quek: totally...
tan: so yeah, one of the reasons why i'm like so totally popular, is because i'm always outstanding, outperforming and out having fun.
quek: whoa, that's really like super way out there, so how do you do that?
tan: well, i'm glad you asked. i'm like totally achieving my best in everything i do. and i have like soooooooo much fun doing it.
quek: really?
tan: like totally... i mean like you know i have a boyfriend....
quek: yes, we all know. and i'm like soooo totally jealous of you.
tan: yeah his name's lee and we like so totally spend all our time together. i mean, yeah i manage to play music with him, play sports with him, and you know like serve him everyday with my totally like totally BIG BIG BIG....
quek: yes, tan, we all know u have like totally BIG....
tan: PASSION! cos i'm like so seriously seriously and totally cross my heart and hope to die committed to lee and i've got the lee spirit allllllll over me. u know he's like the coolest guy i ever know. ad like ya that's what the lee spirit is all about.... without like the lee spirit, i would, like totally totally die. cos my passion is to like serve him. and him alone. and he loves me for doing that.
quek: wow. u must be like totally the happiest chick alive.
tan: like totally.... and u know i'm sooooo freaking committed to him that many times i like stayed over at his house so late that his like parents came home. and we were like totally "SHIT!", and i was like totally, "i've got to climb out from the back gate, man."
quek: omg, u climbed out the back gate from his house? omg omg omg.... that must be like soooo totally cool. how many of us actually get to climb the back gate like tan eh? how many? doesn't that like so totally describe her PASSION for her like totally cool boyfriend?
tan: like totally!
quek: totally!
tan: totally!
quek: totally!
quek and tan: ARRRGHHHH....!!!!
tan (crying): omg... i'm really really so like totally happy.... i feel like i'm so totally blessed to have such a realy cool relationship with my mondo-super-cool boyfriend, lee. i mean like i've climbed his gate and and alll.... omg... i mean like all those losers who like, don't really know lee are all like fugly bitches.... cos they will never truly feel like the lee spirit i feel, and u know like the lee years are like the best years of our lives, and we should all cherish our lee years cos he's like sooooo totally wayyy cool... and i really feel sorry for those losers, who have never experienced and real happiness like i have.
quek: omg, tan, that's like soooo totally touching, i'm... i'm almost... gonna cry....
tan: let it all out, quek, u and i like totally have the lee spirit and that's like so totally alll we're ever gonna need to get thru life...
quek (crying and fanning herself with her hands): ....sob....that's like....sob.... so like....sob.....totally....like soooo totally true.....
quek (wiping her tears): so thanks again tan, for coming on the like totally i'm soooo popular show..... see u again soon.... i hope u and lee like continue to make countless treasured memories that will like totally last forever....
tan: like totally....
tan: hi, omg, i totally can't believe i'm on the ....
quek and tan: LIKE TOTALLY I'M SOOOOO POPULAR SHOW..... ARRRGH....
quek: so ms tan, how does it feel to be on the like totally i'm so popular show...?
tan: like totally, totally COOL. cos it like totally describes me.
quek: why?
tan: cos, i'm like... so popular, and that's like... so totally true!
quek: totally!
tan: totally!
quek: totally!
tan: totally!
quek and tan: ARRRGH....!!!!
quek: so, tan, pls tell us all here, how come you're so like totally popular?
tan: omg, i like so totally predicted you were gonna ask that question! i must be, like, psychic or something.
quek: totally...
tan: so yeah, one of the reasons why i'm like so totally popular, is because i'm always outstanding, outperforming and out having fun.
quek: whoa, that's really like super way out there, so how do you do that?
tan: well, i'm glad you asked. i'm like totally achieving my best in everything i do. and i have like soooooooo much fun doing it.
quek: really?
tan: like totally... i mean like you know i have a boyfriend....
quek: yes, we all know. and i'm like soooo totally jealous of you.
tan: yeah his name's lee and we like so totally spend all our time together. i mean, yeah i manage to play music with him, play sports with him, and you know like serve him everyday with my totally like totally BIG BIG BIG....
quek: yes, tan, we all know u have like totally BIG....
tan: PASSION! cos i'm like so seriously seriously and totally cross my heart and hope to die committed to lee and i've got the lee spirit allllllll over me. u know he's like the coolest guy i ever know. ad like ya that's what the lee spirit is all about.... without like the lee spirit, i would, like totally totally die. cos my passion is to like serve him. and him alone. and he loves me for doing that.
quek: wow. u must be like totally the happiest chick alive.
tan: like totally.... and u know i'm sooooo freaking committed to him that many times i like stayed over at his house so late that his like parents came home. and we were like totally "SHIT!", and i was like totally, "i've got to climb out from the back gate, man."
quek: omg, u climbed out the back gate from his house? omg omg omg.... that must be like soooo totally cool. how many of us actually get to climb the back gate like tan eh? how many? doesn't that like so totally describe her PASSION for her like totally cool boyfriend?
tan: like totally!
quek: totally!
tan: totally!
quek: totally!
quek and tan: ARRRGHHHH....!!!!
tan (crying): omg... i'm really really so like totally happy.... i feel like i'm so totally blessed to have such a realy cool relationship with my mondo-super-cool boyfriend, lee. i mean like i've climbed his gate and and alll.... omg... i mean like all those losers who like, don't really know lee are all like fugly bitches.... cos they will never truly feel like the lee spirit i feel, and u know like the lee years are like the best years of our lives, and we should all cherish our lee years cos he's like sooooo totally wayyy cool... and i really feel sorry for those losers, who have never experienced and real happiness like i have.
quek: omg, tan, that's like soooo totally touching, i'm... i'm almost... gonna cry....
tan: let it all out, quek, u and i like totally have the lee spirit and that's like so totally alll we're ever gonna need to get thru life...
quek (crying and fanning herself with her hands): ....sob....that's like....sob.... so like....sob.....totally....like soooo totally true.....
quek (wiping her tears): so thanks again tan, for coming on the like totally i'm soooo popular show..... see u again soon.... i hope u and lee like continue to make countless treasured memories that will like totally last forever....
tan: like totally....
Saturday, June 24, 2006
more on V for vendetta
ok i'm so boh liao now i'm gonna include my favourite scene from v from vendetta. so evey is this young girl who lived on a totalitarian society, and was taken in by v (the superhero). he threw her out, where she met this guy and they became lovers. than the govt thugs came and killed her lover like they did to fer father many years before. she tried to take revenge but ended up in a prison, where she was systematically and brutally tortured, and forced to sign a false confession about v, threatened with death. she chose to die instead of lose her principals. later, she was released and found out that it was v all along, torturing her himself. after scolding him, this is where the argument leads to....
evey: you say u want to set me free and u put me in a prison.
v: u were already in a prison. u've been in a prison all your life.
evey: shut up! i don't want to hear it! i wasn't in a prison! i was happy.
v: happiness is a prison, evey. happiness is the most insidious prison of all.
evey: that's warped! that's warped and evil and wrong! i went to live with somebody. i..i was in love with him. i was happy. if that's a prison, then i don't CARE!
v: don't u? your lover lived in the prison we were all born into, and was forced to rake the dregs of that world for his living. he knew affection and tenderness but only briefly... eventually, one of the other inmates stabbed him with a cutlass and he drowned upon his own blood. is that it, evey? is that the happiness worth more than freedom?... I didn't put u in a prison, evey, i just showed u the bars.
evey: you're wrong! it's just life, that's all! it's how life is! it's what we've got to put up with. it's all we've got. what gives you the right to decide it's not good enough?
v: you were born into a prison. u've been in a prison so long, you no longer believe there's a world outside.
evey starts running from v.
evey: shut up! you're mad! i don't want to hear it!
v: that's bcos you're afraid, evey. you're afraid bcos u can feel freedom closing in on u. u're afraid bcos freedom is terrifying...
evey: i can't feel anything! there's nothing to feel! leave me alone!
v: don't back from it evey. part of u understands the truth as part pretends not to.
evey clutches to a pillar, broken.
v: woman, this is the most important moment of yout life. don't run away from it.
evey starts to choke, grasping her throat.
evey: i don't know what... you're... oh God. oh God. i can't... breathe... asthma... when i was a little... cuh...girl...
v: good. you're almost there. go closer. feel the shape of it. your mother died. they took your father away. there's a little girl, evey, and she's screaming...
evey: a-huh... aa--huhh... oh, make it stop... what... are u doing to me? oh, i can't... breathe... auhhuhhh....
v: u were in a cell, evey. they offered u a choice between the death of your principles and the death of your body.
evey: oh, oh. i can feel it... i'm going to die, i'm going to burst...
v: u said u rather die. u faced the fear of your own death, and u were calm and still. try to feel now what u felt then...
evey (crying): i...uhhh...oh God... i felt... uhh... i... felt...
evey: like.... an angel.
evey: oh God, v. oh God, i'm so scared, i'm so cold.... what's happening to me?
v: the door of the cage is open, evey. all that u feel is the wind from the outside. don't be afraid.
yup. that's the scene. maybe u won't find it good but i find it dammmm good. the book is very loaded with ideas like this. maybe this'll help u to understand my personal profile a little more. sometimes opening your eyes is painful and terrifying. but if u open them long enough, u'll see the outside world, and it'll set u free. u will soar upon wings of love and freedom.
evey: you say u want to set me free and u put me in a prison.
v: u were already in a prison. u've been in a prison all your life.
evey: shut up! i don't want to hear it! i wasn't in a prison! i was happy.
v: happiness is a prison, evey. happiness is the most insidious prison of all.
evey: that's warped! that's warped and evil and wrong! i went to live with somebody. i..i was in love with him. i was happy. if that's a prison, then i don't CARE!
v: don't u? your lover lived in the prison we were all born into, and was forced to rake the dregs of that world for his living. he knew affection and tenderness but only briefly... eventually, one of the other inmates stabbed him with a cutlass and he drowned upon his own blood. is that it, evey? is that the happiness worth more than freedom?... I didn't put u in a prison, evey, i just showed u the bars.
evey: you're wrong! it's just life, that's all! it's how life is! it's what we've got to put up with. it's all we've got. what gives you the right to decide it's not good enough?
v: you were born into a prison. u've been in a prison so long, you no longer believe there's a world outside.
evey starts running from v.
evey: shut up! you're mad! i don't want to hear it!
v: that's bcos you're afraid, evey. you're afraid bcos u can feel freedom closing in on u. u're afraid bcos freedom is terrifying...
evey: i can't feel anything! there's nothing to feel! leave me alone!
v: don't back from it evey. part of u understands the truth as part pretends not to.
evey clutches to a pillar, broken.
v: woman, this is the most important moment of yout life. don't run away from it.
evey starts to choke, grasping her throat.
evey: i don't know what... you're... oh God. oh God. i can't... breathe... asthma... when i was a little... cuh...girl...
v: good. you're almost there. go closer. feel the shape of it. your mother died. they took your father away. there's a little girl, evey, and she's screaming...
evey: a-huh... aa--huhh... oh, make it stop... what... are u doing to me? oh, i can't... breathe... auhhuhhh....
v: u were in a cell, evey. they offered u a choice between the death of your principles and the death of your body.
evey: oh, oh. i can feel it... i'm going to die, i'm going to burst...
v: u said u rather die. u faced the fear of your own death, and u were calm and still. try to feel now what u felt then...
evey (crying): i...uhhh...oh God... i felt... uhh... i... felt...
evey: like.... an angel.
evey: oh God, v. oh God, i'm so scared, i'm so cold.... what's happening to me?
v: the door of the cage is open, evey. all that u feel is the wind from the outside. don't be afraid.
yup. that's the scene. maybe u won't find it good but i find it dammmm good. the book is very loaded with ideas like this. maybe this'll help u to understand my personal profile a little more. sometimes opening your eyes is painful and terrifying. but if u open them long enough, u'll see the outside world, and it'll set u free. u will soar upon wings of love and freedom.
ten things u didn't know about pseudomonas denitrificas
1. It is a denitrifying bacteria that needs waterlogged soils and anaerobic conditions to work.
2. It badly affects crop growth.
3. It's name is in my bio test.
4. apparently, cambridge wants me to memorise it's name, so i did.
5. today, i spent 10 minutes of my life reading about it.
6. it's name has 23 freaking letters. almost as much as the whole alphabet. but my name also has 23 letters... haha...
7. we have a lot in common.
8. we're both misunderstood creatures. why do they hate it? why do farmers hate this poor bacteria? why is so misunderstood and unloved? i love it, i'm it's only friend. we hate society for discriminating us...
9. P.Denitrificas is my BESTEST friend in the whole world.
10. I love it.
Thank you.
2. It badly affects crop growth.
3. It's name is in my bio test.
4. apparently, cambridge wants me to memorise it's name, so i did.
5. today, i spent 10 minutes of my life reading about it.
6. it's name has 23 freaking letters. almost as much as the whole alphabet. but my name also has 23 letters... haha...
7. we have a lot in common.
8. we're both misunderstood creatures. why do they hate it? why do farmers hate this poor bacteria? why is so misunderstood and unloved? i love it, i'm it's only friend. we hate society for discriminating us...
9. P.Denitrificas is my BESTEST friend in the whole world.
10. I love it.
Thank you.
Friday, June 23, 2006
why is there a 1200 character limit????
ok i spent so long typing a profile of myself, but realised it went wayyy of the limit. so i'm not happy. so how? i'm posting it la... here's the FULL UNCUT version:
yes hello, my name is mark.i'm 18 this year and studying in vj.but i won't be outstanding outperforming and outhavingfun for long, cos soon i'll be headed to the wonderful tropical paradise of pulau tekong. where i'll get a free haircut, that's sure to better than my current one.
what do i do when i'm free? well, is "not applicable" a good answer?
the most impt thing u need to know abt me is that i'm a Catholic, AND a Christian, for those of u who still think i can't be both, then go eat a bullet. yes Catholics are Christians, but not necessarily the other way round. and for those of u non-catholics who are wondering, yes, we can't have sex before marraige. and i yes, i haven't. (if u can't tell by now then u really think highly of me) and no, i don't disagree cos, call me old fashioned but i think sex is sacred and shldn't be ruined by sleeping with many pple... so for all u horny ladies out there, u ain't getting a piece of me... :P
yes i love comics, but too bad they're really ex and most of them r kind of scary.
but there're really good ones out there. i'm reading v for vendetta now. haven't watched the movie but the book's really good. that's the kind of comic i like.
ok, i'm studying trip science in jc now and no i don't think i'll be a scientist. what do i wanna do? don't know. but i want to do sth that helps pple. anw, knowing what u wanna do is overrated. don't listen to the effing government when they tell u that u need "passion", and be "driven to achieve new goals". balls. passion dies fast. and achieving goals is selfish.
my major belief, is that almost everyone lives in a fantasy world, an illusion. blinded by the traps we built for ourselves. traps like yearning for wealth, prestige, and most devious of all, a "meaningful life". and taking the red pill's hard. but it is only when we're truly selfless, then we're truly free. that's why my fav part of v for vendetta was when v freed evey from her illusions. and i strongly feel only God can set us free. period. so contact me if u want that.
but i think this belief makes me too proud. so i need to work on my humility (or lack of it)
ya basically i think i'm a bloody nerd la. from the look, down to the lifestyle. i'm caught between denerdifying myself, and being true to myself.
that'll be all for now.
thank you.
yes hello, my name is mark.i'm 18 this year and studying in vj.but i won't be outstanding outperforming and outhavingfun for long, cos soon i'll be headed to the wonderful tropical paradise of pulau tekong. where i'll get a free haircut, that's sure to better than my current one.
what do i do when i'm free? well, is "not applicable" a good answer?
the most impt thing u need to know abt me is that i'm a Catholic, AND a Christian, for those of u who still think i can't be both, then go eat a bullet. yes Catholics are Christians, but not necessarily the other way round. and for those of u non-catholics who are wondering, yes, we can't have sex before marraige. and i yes, i haven't. (if u can't tell by now then u really think highly of me) and no, i don't disagree cos, call me old fashioned but i think sex is sacred and shldn't be ruined by sleeping with many pple... so for all u horny ladies out there, u ain't getting a piece of me... :P
yes i love comics, but too bad they're really ex and most of them r kind of scary.
but there're really good ones out there. i'm reading v for vendetta now. haven't watched the movie but the book's really good. that's the kind of comic i like.
ok, i'm studying trip science in jc now and no i don't think i'll be a scientist. what do i wanna do? don't know. but i want to do sth that helps pple. anw, knowing what u wanna do is overrated. don't listen to the effing government when they tell u that u need "passion", and be "driven to achieve new goals". balls. passion dies fast. and achieving goals is selfish.
my major belief, is that almost everyone lives in a fantasy world, an illusion. blinded by the traps we built for ourselves. traps like yearning for wealth, prestige, and most devious of all, a "meaningful life". and taking the red pill's hard. but it is only when we're truly selfless, then we're truly free. that's why my fav part of v for vendetta was when v freed evey from her illusions. and i strongly feel only God can set us free. period. so contact me if u want that.
but i think this belief makes me too proud. so i need to work on my humility (or lack of it)
ya basically i think i'm a bloody nerd la. from the look, down to the lifestyle. i'm caught between denerdifying myself, and being true to myself.
that'll be all for now.
thank you.
ok now i'm serious
ya... yesterday very happy to setup a new blog, now i'm gonna put some serious stuff down la. was studying like mad today (actually yesterday). nothing helps destress better than a jog. at night. jogging's actually very spiritual.
as i run
only the pace lingers.
the mind quites
but the heart races.
recollections
flood the soul
like the wind beating upon me.
the day's truimphs
and failures;
yes, failures,
rush through me
comforting me.
and then i feel God
in the embrace of the cool night
singing.
yup, this poem is about my jogging 3 hours ago.
as i run
only the pace lingers.
the mind quites
but the heart races.
recollections
flood the soul
like the wind beating upon me.
the day's truimphs
and failures;
yes, failures,
rush through me
comforting me.
and then i feel God
in the embrace of the cool night
singing.
yup, this poem is about my jogging 3 hours ago.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
why am i called jumpoverthewall?
ah ha. yes, it's a food.
no. i don't like it.
ya basically when i was sec 1, i was walking alone in a quiet jungle. some of my idiot friends went to touch my ankle with a leaf. i freaked out and shouted with a small jump.
they thought it was the funniest thing they saw. and i was fat. still am fat but used to be much fatter.
so they called me buddha jump over the wall. i only jumped a little.
oh i left out the buddha part cos it wasn't cool. jumpoverthewall is more mysterious.
thanks.
no. i don't like it.
ya basically when i was sec 1, i was walking alone in a quiet jungle. some of my idiot friends went to touch my ankle with a leaf. i freaked out and shouted with a small jump.
they thought it was the funniest thing they saw. and i was fat. still am fat but used to be much fatter.
so they called me buddha jump over the wall. i only jumped a little.
oh i left out the buddha part cos it wasn't cool. jumpoverthewall is more mysterious.
thanks.
why do i say thanks?
ok. if u read my last 2 messages, i ended both with "thanks". but why?
why do i always end every little sms and email with thanks? even when there's nothing to thank? i never noticed this before....? can someone tell me why?
ok here's what i think. i think it's this over-impulsion to please pple. or to be polite. i'm obssesed with politeness.
freak... why can't i be obssesed with cars or football or maple? i must be obsessed with politeness.
maybe it's from my mother or grandmother.
anyway.
thanks.
why do i always end every little sms and email with thanks? even when there's nothing to thank? i never noticed this before....? can someone tell me why?
ok here's what i think. i think it's this over-impulsion to please pple. or to be polite. i'm obssesed with politeness.
freak... why can't i be obssesed with cars or football or maple? i must be obsessed with politeness.
maybe it's from my mother or grandmother.
anyway.
thanks.
yay this idiot is so happy
yay... this is my 2nd posting... the time is 2322. for tutorial on how to read military time, go to my 1st posting...
haha... i'm such a dumbass that i went to check my blog to see if my 1st posting was there. and it's there.... i'm so happy it's there, so now i'm doing a 2nd posting.... cos why? cos i can.
yay... i'm putting up my 2nd posting...
i feel i should say something about something.
ok.
i watched england vs trinidad. bored my pants off.
yay... my opinion is public...
yay...
will i get sued?
sorry sven, no offence to england.
oh and my pants never came off, for those of u internet police always looking for perverts to arrest. i kept my pants on during the match. "bored my pants off" is a figure of speech.
don't arrest me.
yay.... my 2nd posting...
thanks.
haha... i'm such a dumbass that i went to check my blog to see if my 1st posting was there. and it's there.... i'm so happy it's there, so now i'm doing a 2nd posting.... cos why? cos i can.
yay... i'm putting up my 2nd posting...
i feel i should say something about something.
ok.
i watched england vs trinidad. bored my pants off.
yay... my opinion is public...
yay...
will i get sued?
sorry sven, no offence to england.
oh and my pants never came off, for those of u internet police always looking for perverts to arrest. i kept my pants on during the match. "bored my pants off" is a figure of speech.
don't arrest me.
yay.... my 2nd posting...
thanks.
Full of Shit
yay.... my first posting.... the time is 2316... for those of u who can't read military time that's 11.16pm. pm means at night. well at least for 11.16 pm. pm stands for post meridian. how do i know? cos i'm full of shit. ya. shit. that's what u call too much knowledge.
haha... a historical day for me.... finally my shit get's to go online for the world to admire... yes u idiots who admire shit. ok the shit thing's getting gimmicky.
that will be all for my first posting.
good day.
thanks.
haha... a historical day for me.... finally my shit get's to go online for the world to admire... yes u idiots who admire shit. ok the shit thing's getting gimmicky.
that will be all for my first posting.
good day.
thanks.
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