my statement

in view of all the passionate debate going on on nigel and cuilings' blogs, i really really feel i need to say something...

Number one: Legion of Mary freaking ROCKS our world!!!!!!

Nunber two: Anyone who stands in the way of someone who loves Legion so much, deserves to get *self censor*.

Number three: I support monica and cuiling and nigel and robin and pet all the way in their fight against *self censor*.

Number four: *self censor*

Number five: From what i see, the heart of the problem is not a chen nian tuan thing, but a family thing. So this problem cannot be solved simply by transplanting pple to another zhi tuan, cos, like it or not, the family will always be there... so, sadly, it's not so simple.

Number six: ANYTHING you guys need (supplies, advice, sai kang, services, or simply someone to talk to...) that is within my power to give, and that will help in any small way in this problem, JUST SAY and i will give. like i said, u guys have all my fullest support in the *self censor*, cos you guys mean the world to me.

I'm not claiming to understand the problem or that i know how to solve it... After all, i'm not from that zhi tuan. but i'm just saying that i will support in any way u need.

LEGION OF MARY ROCKS. ALL THE WAY.

i love Love Actually!!!!

Boy do i love that show...

Haha i'm in camp and just finished watching it... and it never fails to entertain me.... the first few times i watched it, it really hit the spot...

You know, I'm not the kinda guy who likes watching movies once i've already watched them, but Love Actually is one of the few exceptions! I really really have a soft spot for Romance movies, so long as they're not to over-lovey and keep it real! Haha ok maybe some of them like the guy learning Portugese and the Brit who scores in America or the kid who chiongs thru the airport are a bit exxagerated... haha but who cares? it's really fun...

The kid and his concert and the Mariah Carey song, oh, that's one of my fav stories cos it's all so adorable, and how his Stepdad is so supportive of what most adults would view as childish crush... his determination to learn drums, is all so naive, so idealistic, so juvenile... let's not forget the one-liner "Well, we need Kate and we need Leo, and we need them now!"

And the rockstar is dam cool. "That the person I actually.... er... love... is.... you..." Or, the classic one-liner which he so elegantly uses to brush of the wierdness of male affection: "Now let's go get pissed and watch porn!"

But the best story of all, i think, is the one where the guy confesses to Keira Knightly. "To me, you are perfect."

Or, in the full version, which this hopeless romantic remembers, is :
''But I have to say, Without hope or agenda, Just because it's Chrismas-, (And on Christmas, you tell the Truth), To me, you are perfect. And my wasted heart will love you, Until you look like this." And he shows a placard of a shrivelled old woman... it's just so utterly sweet but sad...

And the Prime Minister is cool! If only our Prime Minister could dance like that...

I also really like the sad stories: the one where Professor Snape has an affair, and how his "cold English wife" deals with it. And the one about the girl with the schizo brother, cos it really shows the other, less glamourous, less romantic, albeit an equally beautiful, side of love.

Yes so, i cannot resist blogging about how much i love this show always gets to me. Ah, i'm a desperate hopeless romantic who imagines that one day, i can sweep a girl off her feet, the love of my life. one day...

and Christmas always makes you feel romantic. and i haven't quite got out of this festive mood yet...

oh well, cheers guys, and a happy new year ahead!

the wedding

not American Pie, sorry.

but the eternal union of two great friends.

i dunno, somehow it seemed... erm... less romantic than i expected it to be?

maybe cos the romantic part was during the church ceremony, during which i was too freakin stressed to feel anything else.

but woohoo! broke my church playing virginity.

oh but the wedding video was really really great. anyone knows where to get it?

haha i liked the panadol part...

ya and the wedding dinner was freakin fun la! here are some pics!

haha ian and luke looked dam similar...

and the sunflowers and number things were from the clean up...

congrats again to robin and pet on your marriage... wishin u guys all the best....

merry christmas u all :D

a big thank you and merry christmas

hey... this goes out to all the guys in LOM...

christmas is coming in 2 days and prob won't see u till after that, so just wanna say thanks for all the gifts and presents u have showered upon us...

i guess christmas is always a really stressful time and we feel the need to give others presents and all, and trust me, i've felt it too... haha but i'm not a really presents-ish kinda guy (call me stingy or bo chap or whatever, but ey, that's me!) so ya... i've decided not to hand out gifts from the start, so i won't change my mind cos that'lll just be doing it for the sake of doing it... haha... or maybe i'm just finding an excuse....

but really, thank you.

perhaps i don't show it, but i really do appreciate it. monica and clare for your cookies, alex for your t-shirt thingy, joycelyn for your snacks, jojo and chris for your sweets, mag for your candy canes, shermaine for your turtles, robin and pet for your squashy babies, and all the rest of u guys...

merry christmas u guys. love u all ;D

bad taste

ok i think this ad is in pretty bad taste...

i saw it on a bus stop today...

erm they quote from the Bible a phrase that uses the word "eagles", just for the sake of making an eagle seem like a "Christmas Bird"... lol...

and they can't even be bothered to state the chapter and phrase of where they get it from...

i mean, it's bad enough that Christmas nowadays is SO BLOODY commercialised and manufactured, now they're using the Bible and totally unrelated phrases to further reinforce this weak parody of Christmas, in order to capitalise on the season for more sales... that's in bad taste man...

i mean, no offence to the bird park and all, the bird park is a nice place... but this ad isn't good... pls don't sue me :D

confession night

hmm hmm hmm i went confession today... i penitential service at blessed sac...

why so far? well, got duty tmr, must return by tonight, camp is in the west, blah blah blah... so anw, long story short, i went to blessed sac for penitential today. and wow! the new building is up. last time i went there was for their 'fun day' in march... still had the old building and had to pee in the very horrible toilet... haha so congrats to that church for putting up a building so fast....

haha finally got down to my christmas shopping, which is just an excuse to get more clothes... if u look hard (which i did...) there're bargains everywhere! today i spent 1.5 hrs looking for jeans in JP. hmm.... finally found one that fit almost perfectly for.... drumroll please... $23.50!!! woohoo!

and and and and and.... on sunday i found this really really cool white shirt that looked EXACTLY like the one james bond wore in the casino royale movie (in the scene where he acted as a valet and crashed the idiot's car...) or maybe it only looked like it when I put it on... haha.... ccchhhheeeeeehhhhh bahhhhh.... shameless sia... anw it was.... $14 bucks! yay! but i won't reveal where i got that one, or it'll spoil the casino royale effect... haha!

and i finally got the new radiohead cd i've been eyeing... haha i just wanted it for 'high and dry', but i figured the cd would have some other great songs worth discovering too... hmmm so far, i like 'fake plastic trees' and '(nice song)' and the song that goes 'fade away...'

ok ok ok... soooooo.... i went to confession right, and i've began to feel real real guilty about saying all those bad words... yes i'm trying NOT to say bad words! think i can...? hmmm, only time will tell... oh, and i'll try not to badmouth other pple too! erm.... that seems haaaarrrddddd......

and i had a CS competition in my unit today.... HAHAHAHAHA it was dam hilarious cos i was so badddd.... i mean, all the bloody pple all look black what? so shoot also dunno who? so LLST i shoot my guys like a million times.... and they all said that the best sTrategy is to kill me first.... (they didn't la, just talking...)

haha and note to all future team mates,whatever you do, DON'T EVER ASK ME TO PLANT BOMB!!!! hiayoh.... there was this time when i had the bomb, we were all at the bomb site, all my guys pointing their guns to the door, guarding me, waiting for me to plant... and i run in circles around for 1 minute, feeling dam gabrah shouting "HOW TO PLANT? HOW TO PLANT? HOW TO PLANT?????!!!!!" or, "WHERE TO PLANT????!!!!" u know the way i shout when i'm nervous right?

in the end, all the bloody counter come in and headshot all of us then we lose. DAM TU LAN.

oh btw, for now, MY HANDPHONE CANNOT SEND OUT MESSAGES. so don't feel offended if u don't get your customary "kk" or "nites" or "ya thx" or "cya ard" or whatever s**t.
see? i'm making the effort to self-censor!

oh and robin and pet's wedding is in three days and i'm strangely not nervous even though it's my first time playing for church.... why?! i want to feel at least a little nervous... i should be feeling that.... oh well...

cheers u all!

my musings

dear all who visit my blog. since the traffic is pretty high nnow, i would like to request that u visit my other blog. click my musings on the blog page. or, go to musingsandheart.blogspot.com. it would really really mean a lot to me if u guys read my art works... :D

it sucks to write stuff without having pple to read or appreciate them... u can tag the blog or leave comments.... pls visit! tks!!!

holy shit a freaking miracle happened today

WOOHOO HAHA ALLELULIAH A FREAKING BIG MIRACLE HAPPENED LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FREAKING PASSED MY IPPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Yes darlings it is a VERY BIG THING for me. i had failed for 5 yrs, every since pull ups was uintroduced at sec 3. always ZERO.

then then then then then..... in JC 2, after much gym training, i managed to do one!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was the turning point.

exactly one yr ago, i could do 4.

by the end of BMT, i could pass with 7 pull ups.

by my broad jump fail like fuck.

at start of BMT, got 162. passing mark: 216. fuck shit man.

then by end of BMT, got 189. bloody platoon sgt chua make fun of me infront of the whole platoon. i'll never forget that.

so, becos that that cannot go command school, stuck in 8SAB as an M113 driver. but that's ok la. i got over that.

every day in bunk, i squat and squat and squat. and tuck jump and tuck jump and tuck jump. improver, deprove, improve, deprove. stuck at 189. henta kaki for 9 dam months. my mdm scold me "why cannot jump so simple", every one say "huh? fail jumping? so wasted..." every one say i cannot get corporal rank becos fail jump. dam wasted. i felt like shit. jumping was my waekness. my one weakness. the one reason i amounted to dam little in the army.

but now, to my utter utter surprise i PASSSSSSSSSSEDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!
on the eve of my one year anniversary of enlistment, i passed! Praise God.

now i remember

haha ok ya after reading angela's blog, i now remember what this camp experiance was mostly like...

erm to put it simply i felt kinda like a superstar... i know this sounds arrogant and all, and i pray u guys will forgive me for saying this but... it was because being an ygz and all was kinda glamourous and all that hooha and everyone wished they were in your shoes... in a way la... then they shower u with love... tks guys for all your letters and cheers and smiles and hugs btw... but u seem too busy, too stressed, too focused to take it all in. such is the curse of my position, the position as games i/c, ironically, the very same position that i was a 'superstar' for. sometimes i found myself thinking "ya they all want this, but if they know what shit i'm gg thru, they'd rather stay a camper..." haha do high profile pple feel like this? ok. really, pls pls forgive me for sounding so arrogant and jaded. i'm just trying to express sth here.

sigh... i really pressured myself too much this time round... the camp just flew by, marked by the major kangle events... BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT..... That being said, it was all worth it. cos i found u guys. thru the thick veneers of work and stress in camp, the piercing light of love really shone thru and hit me. i know i'm closer to all u guys after this camp, esp the other ygz and my olps guys... as for my old friends, my ancient legion friends... angela, pet, robin, nigel... i rekindled something that was lost for a while, cos bmt sort of took me away from the outside world, what with me being emo about being away from home and all... it helped me find a passion and oomph once again...

and enough about me... seeing the love u guys pour out... in the letters, the blogs, the conference calls... love for each other, ove for Legion, love for God... really makes it a triumph for me, reminds me why i do this, makes camps something a little more than a do-it-for-the-sake-of-doing-it kinda thing. no.wait. a lot more. a lot lot more.

haha... i think the way i feel is sort of mirrored in those more lao jiao ygz. but let me tell u something. the 1st or 2nd time u become ygz is really a hell of an amazing unforgettable beutiful magical captivating experience. don't believe me, ask monica. i think she feels that way. but as a lao jiao... which i daresay i am, it feels... still really great but not as great as the first few times la... sadly. but every camp is different. every camp has something new. every camp has something special.

but one thing i always love... those really late nights when u have to keep urself awake by remaining high... and doing dam lame but hilarious things and laughing for no reason... and... shh... gossips. ok, lets face it. we all love to gossip. love it. we all love scandals. we all love laughing at pple...

haha...

life after jxy

hey hey hey.... finally i have come out of the hole i crawled under... this is my first entry after jxy... haha it's really great to see so much jxy traffic flooding the Net. wow i'm really amazed at how much u guys really feel connected... especially Nigel... never thought he was capable of having such a strong connection to anything for that matter... well, we learn more abt pple everyday, even those we think we knew for a lfetime... :)

ya i think what nigel said on his blog is true... abt that 'post-jxy' sickness thing... haha i really have no idea why it happens, it just does... it just really connects u with the event, the memories, the pple... it's one of the strange mysteries we'll never fully understand...

sigh... it was kinda sad for me that i didn't really get a chance to get into the post-jxy frenzy, with all your blog entries and confrence calls etc... it's not that i don't care... hope u guys don't think that i'm too jaded. or that i don't care. cos i do. i do care.

it's just that... the moment jxy ended i was plunged back into the literal hustle back in camp... it was LAB inspection, and, trust me, the M113 has a million things to detect and remedy. it is a demanding creature. i spent hours working and returning to bunk throughly exhausted and now, the inspection is finally over (fyi, my M113 passed and my unit got an overall grade C... woohoo!... that is really a miracle) haha army pple are procrastinators... we leave everything to the last... so ya, now that it's over i can finally get back into the world of virtual frivolity...

sigh... but i guess now that i am writing again, i can't write with that much vigour or that much passion, cos the connection, ie 'post-jxy syndrome' is fast fading in me. yes. it happens. it is something that i am already accustomed to. life is sad. it's full of moments and pple u love so so much, moments u wanna last forever, feelings that u hope will never die that just fades away. slips away. an all u can do is stand by and watch. even memories fade with time. that's life. we accept it. we move on. we live.

haha nothing lasts forever. really. it's sad. but the only thing we can really depend on is God's love. the only thing that's constant. the only thing that's reliable. but we continue to treasure the pple, continue to tresure the moments, that He has given us. cos it's what He would want us to do. Cos it's beautiful. cos it will fade. cos we only have today.

carpe diem people, carpe diem.

anw, for all in jxy and who have shared this amazing amazing journey with me, i love you all.
i love u all.

Hey! Back up again...

it's been like almost 6 months since i've been blogging... been collecting dust... 6 months seems like such a short time ago, but a lot has changed since then... oh well, NS is NS... And looking back, I haven't got much to say...

Today, I'll write about my recent clubbing experience. I don't club frequently, and I've only done so three times so far. First time was in BMT, that was ok but it ended at 3, and I spent most of the time exploring the place so I left feeling a little unaccomplished... The 2nd was the worst cos it was my friend's birthday but he spent the whole time trying to get those MIA pple to come down, so I was stuck with pple who I didn't really know. Finally he got drunk and pissed and got taken home, and I went home shortly after that...

But this time, it was really fun, first of all cos I encountered no smokers!!! Haha! It was mambo night and I really am a retro kind of person so all the songs were fun to sing along with... The pple standing on the platforms and dancing were, quite plainly, really really tacky and I wouldn't want to be seen doing that. But let's face it, without them, the party would be dead... After all, they made you feel ok about looking weird dancing... So yeah I would say that the most fun part was going down with all my friends, dancing like hell, and not giving a damn what others think... It's about letting go and really making an ass out of yourself... :D Then there's always the girl factor. It adds that extra thing that makes the whole night much more exciting... But to be honest, I always end up feeling guilty about it. Call me old fashioned, but a club is not a place I'd like to hook up. But it really wouldn't be complete without the girl factor.

Oh the past six months have been ok really... NS has its excitements here and there, but my biggest achievements were outside NS... August to October was a really busy period for me in terms of tutoring the EM3 kid... When his PSLE was over, it was a real relief for me... After that was the OM course in my own camp, and at the same time, now I'm busy with planning the Legion of Mary church camp... So all these things really help you achieve something and helps time pass by much much more quickly... Otherwise, I really wouldn't know how I'd cope. Plus, all these extra spontaneous events like clubbing and such add that extra bit of excitement to my life, so it's fun.

Speaking of extra events, a memorable one was All Saints' Day recently... I went to mass at St Francis of Assissi church on one of my nights' out... It was great. For some reaon, going to that church, by myself, so far away from home and family, really makes feel a sense of peace and a sense of God. I always love and look forward to going there. Which is wierd cos I go to church every sunday... Maybe it's the feeling of a gesture to be with God in the midst of the 'wilderness', that is, a place that is, to me, far from home and comfort.

more thoughts on "Wicked"

ok. haha this isn't just thoughts, it's a essay. there're some spoilers here, so read only if u've already read the book... i mean, the story was good and it warrants sth like this... so here goes....

to me, i think this story is abt people, the people in Elphie's life, her relationships with them, how these relationships change, and how they ffect her character and her beliefs. It is also about belief, and identit, as seen in the symbolic changing of Elphaba's name along the way-- Elphaba, Elphie, Fabala, Fae, the Witch, and finally, The Wicked Witch of the West.

I think the two characters the Witch loved the most was Glinda and Fiyero. But both in different ways. Her friendship with Glinda is the classic one, which endures and grows in spite of strong differences in class, character, and outlooks in life. For this reason, it is charming, warm and sincere. The sincereity of the friendship is touching, as is the way it blossoms to the climax: Glinda pretends Elphie is her sister to save her a seat, but at this precise climax, it is tragically broken as their different destinies, and perhaps, different choices, tear them apart. This parting is to me, the sadest one on the book, surpassed only by the final meeting between Glinda and Elphaba, where Glinda reaches out beyond her pride to Elphie, but Elphie is too blinded by her own scars and hurt and losses to reciprocate it, to see what else life still holds for her.

Boq is the classic boy-form-childhood. Perhaps he represents a simpler Elphaba, the choice she has. He represents a choice, a choice she had forsaken. he choice to live a normal quiet life. The choice to leave behind the youthful naivete in trying to change the world, even though he was involved in this revolutionary actions in his past. In the end, both choices, both lifestyles, both destinies, both friends, accuse and criticise each other, but they also secretly desire the other life perhaps, desire the alternative? Boq is the question " What If?", He is the "Could-Have-Been".

Liir is the fruit of Elphie's and Fiyero's love affair. He is also a "perhaps"; He may not be their son. Being somewhere in between (like Nessie ws to Turtle Heart's memory), Liir is a symbol of Elphie's love, love lost, her capacity for love, her potential to love. Yet, he may not even be thier son, even so, he draws out Elphie's maternal affection, again being a symbol of the vestiges of love, even as the Wicked Witch. His foolishness and brashness towards the bigger things surrounding him which he cannot change, his cruch on Dorothy, his intense determination, is a delicate portrait of Elphie in her own youth.

Doctor Dillamond seems to be a living prophecy of Elphie's life. So focused, so intense, so devoted, so much potential, but a potential cut away from its realisation.

Nanny's life also seems to mirror Elphaba's: "always the bridesmaid, never the bride." Nany and Elphie share this similarity: a tragic, tired life, where everyone they care for is taken from them, and delusionment and denial towards the end of their lives.

St Aelphaba and the Kumbric Witch are both compared to Elphie. Good vs Evil. the personal conflict. The historical conflict. The fundamental conflict. Both steeped in mystery and myth.

I think the ultimate tragedy of this story is that of a life lost in vain. One of the saddest scenes was when Boq asked "We all belived in what we were doing. We all believed we were doing good. In the end, did it all do any good?", which can be extended to Elphie's whole life. She couldn't answer. "If nothing else, we helped Doctor Dillamond..." She tries hard to justify a life, a life that has seen so much pain and loss, and suffering. A life that has caused suffering in others, but for what? Driven by what? What used to seem clear seems clear no more. Even her "murder" of Madame Morrible is a manifestation of her life in vain, her failure, a result of the desire to feel that her life amounted to something, and to justify to others in the publicity sh tries to draw around it, sucj was her insecurity in her final days. But even the "murder" seemed to mirror her failure, seemed to be a mockery of her own life, as it was of Madame Morrible's. "For All That You Have Done." inscribed on the trophy/lethal weapon seems to be as much for Elphaba as it was for Madame Morrible.

Driven by what? An unfulfilled desire for equality, for justice, for revenge? The love and attention of a negligent father? Forgiveness? release? Or the opposite, belonging? (this paradox is highlighted in her relationship with Sarima.) Or perhaps Elphie needs to understand, understand her destiny, understand what she fears, because she fears what she does not know? Or perhaps the deire to belive, to belive in an Other Land, to believe in a soul, to belive in redemption, justice and forgiveness? To belive these thigs can still be out there (symbolised by the broom, her desire to soar)or in her (symbolised by the Glass, a mirror into destiny, into herself).

we are all innocent

"i remember feeling low, i remember losing hope, i remember all the feelings and the day they stopped." --Innocent, Our Lady Peace.

that's a great song. yea man, we are all innocent. then maybe we become hardened along the way, become jaded, cynical, disillusioned, and most of all, tired. we learn to fuck care the world. we become tired.

where's that kid that used to romance every moment of friendship, or fantasise about being a jedi or rescuing the girl of his dreams? where's the kid who would love the magic of the moment, and treasure memories and its trinkets more than gold? where's the teen, the rebel, the angry fiery revolutionary? where's the crazy guy who didn't care wht people thought about him, who would scream, dress up in outrageous costumes, put on a drag show, sing karoke and just... go crazy cos it's fun? where did my innocence go?

maybe it's still there. like in legion camp over the past few days, revived a little of that in me... (can read the entry below for more...)

on a related note, i'm almost finished reading the book "Wicked". it's the story of the life of the Wicked Witch of the West, from the Wizard of Oz story.... it's seriously real darn good. it's a page turner, and creates a highly imaginative fantasy world that captures the cruelty of human nature. most importantly of all, you'll really grow to fall in love with the main character, Elphaba, or Elphie for short. Her character is so tenderly and sensitively portrayed, she almost becomes real, making the tragedy of her life even sharper. Her character is passionate, absorbed, fiery, and has so much capacity for love. But somehow, every one she learns to love gets hurt along the way and she descends into a broken, tired, reluctant Witch.

it's a terribly tragic story... and tells you nothing lasts forever... Yes, Elphie's world was a cruel one and some of her friends got killed.... but in our world people drift apart. we grow up. we change. we become too good for each other.

and yes... makes you think... everyone has a story, even the most evil or cruel looking person. they are created by circumstance... or do they choose to do evil? or is it predetermined by history? do we really have choice or is it the illusion of choice? are we mere puppets to a chain of causes-and-effects, dating back back back?

anw... "Wicked" is a really great novel, one of the best I've ever read...

and we are all innocent.

legion Roxxxxx!

haha. i had to do it. this post. yea man, Legion of Mary rocks! haha maybe it sounds like another one of those propoganda sermons i rant to potential recruits for legion... but i dunno... something inside me makes me feel really good about it now.

i've never felt this way for a long time. it's this feeling that moves in your heart. and u only feel it after camp ends. sometimes it's between your heart and your throat, sometimes it's between your heart and your stomach... (haha no wonder pple have attributed the circulatory pump to emotions, when it's actually the amygdala and higher cognitive brain centres that control emotions... but i'm digressing here...)

yea, i've never felt like this for a long time... i'm actually missing camp... haha i thought i was beyond this... it feels a bit sad, but very happy too... cos maybe it means i've revived something i personally lost in legion... a deeper sense of belonging... i dunno, maybe it's cos this time round, i really had time to kick back, relax, and be somewhere between camper and ygz... allowing me time to really talk cock, sing song and have fun, instead of being buried in... (what's the word?...) operational worries...

takes me back to those camps when i was a youg impressionable boy, treasuring every letter i got, treasuring every autograph, treasuring every arm around my shoulder... and feeling intensely sad when the camp ended cos i didn't know when i could see my new freinds again... or takes me back to my early ygz days... where i transformed from quiet introvert to crazy and stupid attention-seeker... where we would spend hours, dazed, during da zhu hui, laughing for no reason... those days were pure magic. i didn't want it to end. ever. i wanted it to last forever. the magic. the innocence.

well, you grow old, you grow jaded, and you sigh, thinking those days are beyond you... maybe you're happy seeing the younger kids have so much fun, the kind of fun you used to have, the kind of magic you used to have, because you see yourself in them... a bittersweet longing... kids bring out the kid we used to be. happy. but maybe the one thing i learnt in this camp, was that... it's not over. we still have something here. it's small, it's rare, but it's there. and it's beautiful. and it's worth fighting for.

anw, Legion Rocks!!!!

"if i had a choice now, can i stop the world revolving, holding on to the times that mean the most to me."

imagine

yes. imagine. one of the lost arts of our age. do it, and open a world of magic. perhaps find that child you once were.

fyi, The Little Prince is such a great book. Yes, its a kids book, and if u're thinking that bcos of that, i shld not read it, the it's exactly why u shld read it!!! bcos "grown-ups are really strange people." and we are always "concerned with matters of consequence".

anw, more updates on the book coming up!!! but this entry is abt my castle. yes, MY castle.

it rests upon a mountainous region, surrounded with trees as far as the eye can see, my kingdom. it is a tall imposing building, as castles should be. it has a glorious wide entrance, but also a small secret one, through a small door and up tall winding stairs. it is a mystery, as one floor would seem like two.

the view is beautiful from the top floor, my private lair. 'Tis a Great Hall, magnificent and kingly, fit for a great ruler such as myself. Looking out the many balconies give splendid views, each one not quite the same as the other. On sunny days, the sun dances with the trees, hiding herself coyly among a veil of clouds, playing, teasing. On rainy days, a dreamy mist is cast over the lands of my kingdom, and cool winds from the ends of the earth caress my face, enveloping my spirit in a peaceful enchantment. Oh, how well my Sorcerors and Architects and Alchemists have built this strange and glorious castle.

but the most magnificent and wonderful and strange of all are the Grand Stables, which hold creatures never before seen my any other mortal man. They lie in ranks, sleeping giants, great and gentle beasts. Each is different, each has the strangth of ten elephants, and breathe deadly fire. As they snore, black smoke rises from their huge nostrils, as none can escape their thick iron scales. And when they wake, they give a roar so frightful to men who do not know them, but familiar to me, their master and king. They truly are magical beasts, my pride and joy.

wanna see my castle? step 1, read The Little Prince, step 2, find out where I work (a king must have secrets, he is a king after all!) step 3: visit where i work. (ok, for those of u who read the book, i must seem v much like the king on the planet who likes to think he rules thigs which he doesn't... but then u're not getting the point!)

good night, my royal subjects.

well, don't i look queer?

ok. i know what u're thinking. shove it. queer in this case means weird. full stop. (i refuse to say "period"...)

so imagine what weird series of events would lead to this. a shaven boy with thick black specs, sweating into his formal long sleeved blue shirt, long black pants, with New Balance running shoes, carrying a huge backpack, with a big green SAF waterbottle sticking out, and carrying an umbrella like a walking stick, running alone down a dark empty street in an army camp in the middle of the night. yup, that's me, Geek de la Nerd Extraordinare.

can't imagine?

Well, i went for an interview earlier in the morning, so i wore formal clothes. i forgot to bring a foldable umbrella, it was raining, so i took a big umbrella from Dad's car (he sent me there). Then i went straight to camp, with my portfolio in a big blue suitcase.

When I booked out, I packed a lot of stuff and my smelly Number 4, and figured i would get thirsty, hence the bloated bag with the big green bottle. the formal black shoes was too uncomfortable to walk the long distance, so i wore sports shoes, and packed the black shoes, futher excerberating the already precariously bulging backpack. Then, adorned with my umbrella, my big blue file, and my sean connery look, topped up with sports shoes, i said to my friends, "well, don't i look queer?"

then after the helluva long journey to CCK MRT station, i stomped clumsily out of the bus, improving my gait with my lovely walking stick of an umbrella. and thought to myself, "don't i look queer?" then realised my full battle order was missing one component, my big blue file. my protfolio. O level results, A level results, testimonials, and every single award i've ever accomplished in my whole life.

i think u can imagine what followed. panic, hair pulling, feet stomping, swear words, a very fast taxiride, and the scene i described in the 2nd paragraph.

taddah! i managed to pull it off. ain't i good?

i am a blur shit, aren't i?

well, after a night of running, sweating and adrenaline-pumping adventures (not the types that involve whips, lions, huge rolling boulders, and Nazis, but adventures nonetheless...) , i finally lumbered home, luke opened the door, and i said, "well, don't i look queer?"

hey, but God helped me thru that ok...

what i miss about bmt

"it's sad how

treasured memories

slip away

slowly

ever so slowly

like a lover you want to hold

fading."

like it, or hate it. bmt was a bittersweet experience. like it or hate it, it's gone. but we can hold on to what little of it we have left.

"a writing,

an attempt to preserve

the unpreservable

tenderly"

lol... i'm feeling so nostalgic today...

i think actually the 24 klik was one of the best experiences in bmt. when we were approaching the finish, we were so ecstatic, so high. our singing changed from a tired, worn out song, to the loudest and most garang we could ever sing; we felt like we could conquer the world. and when we touched down on that finish point, we felt like we did. then, all the memories of all the route marches we had done in bmt came flooding back. we immediately recall the first 3 klik march, and how we wondered at how we caould complete such a gargantuous task. and we did. and it felt great.in our hearts, everything came full circle, and it was all worth it. we did it together. all of us.

another experience was coming back to the bunk after physical activities. tired, sweaty, wasted, we would sit at the table of section 2, slumped. chunkiat, mus, and herry would rush to the toilet, their towels hanging on to dear life around their waists. and the rest of who weren't so concerned with hygiene would sit at the table, talking cock, and simply enjoy the "shack but shiok feeling", as lt hakim put it.

the sit test was really cool. the best part were the nights. we would cook using a small fire, and later, talk cock over a single candle, conveying our hopes, dreams and secrets. we would laugh and enjoy life in a stiny and wet number 4. and of course, cling on to our wives for dear life, lest lt aaron pops out of nowhere (and he's legendary for this, ask daniel...) and stuns her, burning our precious bookout time.

strangely, i also miss marching back after meals, in our little groups, singing those lame army songs with our own modifications to them....

ah well... remember but don't dwell...

"remember me this way."

back again

it's almost time for POP. "POP loh!!!!" and it feels like an eternity that i haven't made a blog entry. wow i'm writing again. to use vocabulary and string them together in a gramatically correct sentence. i'm losing it. as i said, SAF screws up your vocabulary. they take out elegant words, conjectures, and expressions, replacing them with "fuck", and the variant forms of this highly versatile little four-letter word.

so how's BMT u may ask? well... don't feel like discussing it. but i guess i'm compelled to, owing that it defines and predominates the past 11 weeks of my measly existence. in BMT, i'm a blur cock. yup. it's a persona. if u do something long and frequent enough, people expect you to do it. you're reduced to a series of expectations, characteristics and cliches. till it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. but i have only myself to blame.

ok la it's actually quite fun. field camps create lasting memories of endearing powder baths (and the charming ease-spring and check clear) and heartfelt talk cock sessions under the moon and starlight. IPPT is always a pain, and i cna't jump for fuck. 185cm. it's 216 to pass. i hate arti, sniper, and casevec drills. but then again, who doesn't? i actually find route marches quite fun. why? cos we get to sing whatever we want. it's a chance for my pathetic exhibitionistic self to get some of my bathroom singing out for human ears to cringe upon. it gives me a kick. and sometimes my platoon mates sing along as well. hah.

but i have something to prove. that the SAF does not define me. i will not talk only about that. tho sometimes it seems the thing easiest to talk about. but i have a life outside SAF ok... owever miniscule it may be. even things as simple as writing this blog gives me a precious opportunity to whip out and wipe the dust of my much unused stash of vocab. so yeah. i will not be doninated by the army. i will not lose myself.

sceptical? well i read. been reading roald dahl short stories. switch bitch is a cool book. it's all about sex. it's dark and funny. uncle oswald is really cool. the triumph of roald dahl is his sublime ability to paint a vivid picture of a highly unique, gripping and unexpected character. Mr Botibol, Georgy Porgy, Uncle Oswald are one of the more memorable ones. i also read... graphic novels! no i'm not gonna talk about V for Vendetta any more. It's sandman this time. i borrowed fables and reflections. I thought the most meaningful story is "three septembers and a january". i was really touched when i read the ending. it's about knowing who you are, being true to who you are, character, and integrity. sounds like a bore? read it first, then judge.

tmr is 'A' level results.... it's the last moment in bargo, in limbo, in the state of being both alive and dead (i make reference to Schrodinger's Cat). tmr, the uncertainty will be resolved, the tossed coin will land, the fate cast in stone. ok, that's enough analogies.

ok. wish me luck. i'll pray. of course. for A level as well as IPPT.